No one is making me keep my distance from her, or to push her away, but I can’t let what happened during the last trial happen again. The more closed off I am, the safer she will be. The more I let the pain in my chest fester, the better.
Thomas kicks his feet onto a crate he snagged for us to use as a footrest and downs a long swig from his canteen. The scent of whiskey hits me before his laugh does. “Damn, that girl sure can beat the shit out of a guy, can’t she? I still can’t believe someone withpinkhair is on the Fury Squad,” he muses, tilting his flask up and gulping down the last of his drink.
I side-eye him before letting my gaze move back to her. “I like her hair,” I say mundanely as I watch her flip Gage easily. A small grin almost breaks over my lips, but I hold it back.
Lieutenant Erik slipped her some hair dye so she could touch up her roots. Kayden helped her out with it since he was the only one who actually knew how to color hair.
They’ve all taken to her quickly. After reviewing the footage of her skills in the Under, and how seamlessly we work together, they were more than happy to acquire a new squad mate that won’t face their demise at my hands.
But she almost did.I silence that part of my head, biting down on my cheek.
Thomas grunts as he stands, shoving his hands into his brown leather coat pockets and nudging my boot. “Yeah, I’m sure you do, Mori. Is that why you knocked the brains out of her head?”
It’s not a secret. No matter how badly I wish it was. Everyone on the squad knows. Too bad I’m far beyond deserving of shame to them, given that I’ve killed three of our other squad mates already. They take her surviving as a celebration. I wish they’d ridicule me more like they once did.
It felt like I belonged more back then. Like I was still a person and not a weapon they needed to follow orders.
I glare at him and he shoots me a careless grin. Thomas is easily the biggest asshole on my squad. With his light-brown mullet and wild eyes, you’d think he’d be a goner out in the field, but he’s the best signaler I’ve ever worked with.
It’s advantageous to just ignore him. He loves to piss me off, so the more I react, the more he feeds into it. I take a long breath and stand as Gage and Emery finish their sparring match. My comrade is locked in her hold and tapping her arm repeatedly. His cheeks are red.
For a moment, I question if she’s going to let him go or not. Her eyes flick to mine again, colder this time. Chills erupt over my arms. My jaw flexes and I push down all the emotions I long to let her see. Why does she keep looking at me with such curious eyes? What will it take to make her stop? My hands curl into fists.
For her sake, this is who I have to be.
“My turn,” I grumble, unzipping my tactical jacket and letting it fall to the ground behind me.
2
EMERY
Mori.If he has another name it isn’t one I know.
God, this guy gives me the fucking chills. His gaze alone could level a mountain, yet there is something so dreary about him that makes his unique, handsome features all the more curious.
My eyes linger on his muscles as he takes his jacket off. He’s only wearing a form-fitting black T-shirt beneath it, leaving many of his tattoos exposed. For some reason, I keep imagining his chest has a long tattoo covering a scar; I even dreamed of it.
General Nolan said it’s not uncommon to dream of the things we fear most. In fact, he had to reassure me many times because of the nightmares that’ve returned night after night. Mori is undoubtedly someone I don’t want to be too close to, but it doesn’t explain why I’m dreaming of things in such minute detail about him.
He’s always watching me like I can’t be trusted. Like my very existence bothers him greatly. His lack of expression toward me makes me uncomfortable.
The only time I saw a fraction of emotion from him was when I first woke up after the trials. He had so much torment and guilt consuming him. Then after a few days when I was discharged from the medical bay, he was stone-cold and acted like he knew little of me.
It’s terrifying not remembering anything about who you are or what you’re doing. Even more so when you have someone like him who refuses to talk to you about any of it. I decided pretty quickly that he was going to be trouble for me. Not just because I’m attracted to him as a moth is to the flame, but because he’s dangerous.
From what I’ve been told, he saved me after I terminated my opponent in the third trial, and he carried me back to the bunker. I know I should be grateful, but something inside me wishes I would’ve died that day. It’s a sensation deep in my marrow, like a dreadful dream that beckons from afar.
I’m an ex-criminal, now a secret soldier. Not exactly something that’s easy to accept about yourself when you’ve lost all of your memories.
I feel like a moving chess piece, aimless and without a destination. My body has become a tool only to be used for killing, which I am quite good at apparently.
Still, I don’t know myself. I don’t know if I ever will.
Mori shoves his hands into his pants pockets and stares at me with indifference. He always does this, acts like he’s not threatened by anyone else in the ring. I exhale sharply with frustration at his arrogance. His brow lifts and a cocky grin spreads across his face. Not a happy one, an I’m-going-to-fuck-you-up one.
If he isn’t ignoring me, he’s tormenting me.
I circle him slowly, trying to attack him head-on never works so I’ve devised a few other things I can attempt. Mori takes it a step further and shuts his eyes like he’s bored to tears of thisalready. I clench my taped hands and lunge for him when I reach his side.
