Christmases in the Chadwick house weren’t always smooth and easy.
But this is the first time we’ve started the holiday with a dead body.
I’m quiet on the way home, because I’m not sure what I can say. I was angry with that woman, and I didn’t like the things she was saying about how they crafted me into what they wanted. I didn’t want to think about how much of who I am might have been determined by someone else or worse, by the acts of some secret group manipulating me and my family.
Even so, I didn’t want her dead.
But just like that, Thunar just ended her.
I had almost forgotten what a villain he is because he hadn’t attacked us lately. It’s a good reminder, I suppose, that he’s not safe around my family or our people. He’s violent, and he’s unpredictable, and he’s the enemy. And behind him, there’s yet another enemy who may appear any time—Azar’s father. My parents’ insane arguments might have been intense, but my bonded dragon’s family is much, much worse.
When we reach home, Azar carefully sets all the bags we gathered on the ground in our room, and I start to open them. The snow globe I picked for Sammy was cracked. The liquid inside had already drained out, ruining a whole roll of wrapping paper. The organic jam I bought for my mom broke too, and it ran all over Coral’s peach-colored Uggs and Jade’s green ones.
Sitting on the floor, I start to bawl like a baby.
Azar’s outside, so I thought I might be fine, but in a split second, he’s beside me in his Axel-human form. “What’s wrong?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “This is the worst Christmas ever.”
“Why?” He sits beside me. “Did the kids discover the fat guy isn’t really who’s bringing them gifts?”
Sammy’s little squeak from the hall is loud.
I twist around, and I can’t help seeing his wide, wide eyes. “Santa’s not real?”
I start sobbing harder. “I can’t do this. I’m messing everything up, and no matter what I try, it’s wrong.” My hands are all sticky, and I wonder what else might have been ruined by the jam. “I—I’m bad at this. I can’t be a mom when I’m just a sister. And the world’s falling apart, and I can’t hold it all together. I’m not strong enough. Actually, I’m nothing more than a tool that the Valkyrie people sharpened or whatever.”
Axel looks utterly perplexed as he tugs me to my feet, but then he wraps both arms around me and pulls me close. My face tucks into the place between his collarbone and his neck, and I breathe him in. He smells of burnt leather and sage. Before I have time to try and get myself together, I feel small arms wrap around my middle section.
Sammy.
Then slightly bigger arms come at me from two sides, trapping me and Axel even closer together. “You’re not a Valkyrie weapon,” Sammy says. “You’re just Liz.”
“And we kind of already knew Santa wasn’t real,” Coral says.
“Wait.” Jade releases me. “Santa’s not real?” Her eyes are wide.
“Oh, stop,” Coral says. “It’s okay if she knows we know.”
“I didn’t know,” Sammy says, “but it kind of makes sense. I mean, how would elves really make things like PlayStations? Plus, Gage was the worst kid in my class. He should’ve gotten coal if there was any justice in the world, but he got an electric bike and a new iPad.”
I suppose ‘the Christmas that the kids all found out Santa was fake’ is better than ‘the Christmas that started out with a charred old woman who was pulling Liz’s puppet strings.’
“Are those Uggs?” Coral’s leaning toward the bags. “Because I really wanted some. We are in Australia, after all.”
Jade starts laughing. “You’re such a jerk. You’re supposed to pretend not to see them.”
“You think Euphrasia could get the jam off them?” Coral asks. “She’s good at cleaning, right?”
“How do you know it’s jam?” The kids have finally released me, and I can see the stuff spread out on the ground. “Were you listening for the last five minutes?”
Coral arches one imperious eyebrow. “I can smell it, duh.”
“This is what Christmas is about,” Axel says. “You said it’s about family being together, and we’re all together.”
Sammy flings his arms around just Axel this time. “You got your memories back.” He’s beaming up at him.
Axel sighs. “Not quite, buddy, but I think I’m making new ones. That may have to be good enough for now.”
