“But Logan has met all of their expectations.”
“Yeah, I know. And do his parents feel loving to you? Have you met them?”
I let out a breath. “I’ve only met his dad once. I’ve seen Alice a few times.”
“Well, she’s the more warm and fuzzy of the two of them.”
Yikes. I thought back to the interactions I'd observed between Logan and Alice. It wasn’t that they were bad, but they felt almost transactional. Like they were work colleagues or associates. When they talked about Logan at the Palliser, it didn’t feel loving. Maybe a little like pride, but mostly it felt like they were putting things in order.
“Logan told me they were pretty strict growing up.”
“That’s one way to put it.” Shar scoffed. “Did he tell you what they said to me the first time we met?”
I shook my head.
“His mom said that he had high potential, and if he was going to have God’s help getting to the NHL, he needed to keep himself pure.”
I nearly choked on my spit.
Shar held up a hand. “And here’s the thing, I have no problem with their religious beliefs. What I have a problem with is that she was telling me as if it was my responsibility to make sure he didn’t screw up.” She reached up and tightened her bun. “It’s like they don’t see Logan as a real person. He’s their action figure. They can pick him up and put him wherever they want, and he’ll do what he’s told. They don’t want anyone else touching him.”
I remembered Logan in our hotel room, how he’d responded when I teased him about his parents’ approval. “I don’t think he wants to play their games anymore.”
Shar pursed her lips. “Then why hasn’t he called his mom out for cheating?”
I turned to the side, curling into myself on the couch. I’d been asking myself that for the last couple of weeks. “I don’t know.”
Shar’s expression softened. “Crys, Logan’s a great guy. He’s funny. He’s an incredibly hard worker. He’s beyond generous. You saw what he did for Rob, letting him live in that apartment rent-free. He’s got a good heart. But you know why I think he loves hockey so much?”
I wet my lips. “Because it’s in his control.”
She nodded. “That’s all he’s ever been shown. Love doesn’t mean letting go or sacrifice. It means something he’s good at, something he can predict, something he can check the boxes for and get the exact result he was promised. That’s all that’s been modelled in the Kemp household.”
My throat thickened. “I get that. I do. I’ve seen it. I know exactly what you’re saying. But I think he wants something different. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to do it.” She studied me. I went on, “Did you know, after you broke up with him, he called his exes?” Her eyes widened. “Yeah. He asked them what he did wrong and how he could fix it.”
“But that’s exactly it. He’s trying to begoodat a relationship, trying to understand it so he can excel.”
My cheeks flamed. That was almost exactly what he’d said to me in the hotel room.
“But when it comes down to it,” Sharla continued, “is he going to be willing to take the leap? Put himself on the line? Because you don’t want a partner who you can’t trust to do the hard things.”
She motioned to the hallway. “I thought getting married was scary, but having kids? I’m already messing everything up. Both of us are. Carter’s only a month old, and we can’t control whether he eats or sleeps. Loving Rob is scary, but loving Carter?” Her voice went soft. “It’s like my heart is living outsideof my chest. And if Rob wasn’t willing to be all in with me? I don’t know, Crys.”
Tears filled my eyes. Her words wouldn’t be making me cry if I didn’t know they were true. “So what do I do? Because I think my heart is—” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
Shar teared up, reaching for my hand. “I wish I could tell you that it’ll all be fine . . . but I walked away because I knew it wouldn’t be.”
“What would it have taken for you to stay?”
She shook her head. “So many things. But the biggest one? I would’ve needed to see that he wasn’t just worried about making life go smoothly for himself. That when something really mattered, he was willing to take the hit.”
“But what would that look like? How would I be able to tell?”
Shar squeezed my hand. “There’s a hit he’s not willing to take right now, isn’t there?”
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
