Ryan pulled Amaya to his side. “It’s okay, babe,” he whispered. “Just an episode.”
Amaya nodded. “Did I do something wrong?”
Ryan shook his head as Laura moved to stand between them. "Kara, sweetheart, it's just a game. Take a deep breath."
Laura was there with Kara more often than he could be. She was a retired teacher, and she’d done all the training to be able to de-escalate situations like these. Ryan had learned just by watching her, but Kara always seemed to respond better to her mother than to him.
Kara’s hands balled into fists. "It's not fair, Mom. She can't cheat and then act like she didn't."
Laura reached out and put a hand on Kara's back. "I know, love. It's frustrating, isn't it?"
Validate. Don’t try to correct.
"But remember what we talked about? Breathing in and out when we’re feeling overwhelmed.” Laura rubbed slow circles over Kara’s back.
Just watching it made his throat constrict. After Kara got out of the hospital, he’d tried having her live at home. Thought he could handle it. It had been an unmitigated disaster.
It only took two hours of her being back for them to experience an episode. The doctors had encouraged him to keep it simple, so he’d picked up pizza, and they were sitting on the couch, watching a movie.
Kara asked for a blanket, and Ryan got her one, but she wanted a specific throw he hadn’t seen in months. He looked in the chest, then went down to the basement, but when he came back empty-handed, that was it. The spark that lit the powder keg.
"Where the hell is it?" Kara's voice had been a whip crack, slicing through the air.
"I don't know, babe. Maybe it's in the laundry?"
"It should be right here!" She stood, her eyes wild as she started tearing apart the cushions. "We always keep it here, Ryan!"
He'd tried to calm her just like Laura was doing then, consoling her. Reminding her to use her skills. But she was already in motion, knocking over a vase on the end table.
She swore at him in front of Amaya, then bolted past him to the front door.
"Kara, it's freezing outside. You can't go without a coat."
She turned on him, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do!"
He had to drive behind her on the street until the police arrived. Amaya had cried herself to sleep when he’d arrived back home.
That was just one night.
There had been countless others. Nights where she couldn't find her book, or where the remote wasn't where it was supposed to be. Little things that would set her off, and he never knew when it was coming.
It wasn't safe. Not for her, and definitely not for Amaya. He couldn't risk her waking up to one of Kara's outbursts. He couldn't risk her being in the line of fire when Kara threw something or tried to storm out of the house.
Ryan rubbed his hands over his face, the memory of that night playing on repeat. That was why he'd brought her here. Why he'd made the hardest decision of his life.
“There we go.” Laura kept rubbing Kara's back, her voice a gentle murmur. "It's just a game, Kara. Just a game."
Kara closed her eyes, her shoulders relaxing minutely. "I don't like it when people cheat."
"I know, love." Laura's voice was barely a whisper.
Kara's breathing started to steady. She opened her eyes and looked at the board, her expression a mix of frustration and resignation. "I just wanted to win for once."
Laura leaned in and kissed her on the temple. "I know, sweetheart. Next time, okay?"
_____
They stopped by the restaurant on the way out to the parking lot. Amaya loved the chocolate cake there, and the kitchen staff always seemed to have a piece on hand when they visited, even when it was off hours. Ryan was positive Laura had something to do with that.
