“Do you know anything about the program?” Tony asked, dropping seamlessly into his role as advocate.
Penny nodded. “A bit. My brother went to meetings off and on.”
“Did you ever attend Al Anon?” Tony asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t know what that is.”
Brett leaned over. “It’s a group for people supporting people in recovery.” He thought of their first conversation in the kitchen when Penny told him she’d never been to a support meeting. His hands clenched under the table at the thought of her having to navigate the relationship with her brother on her own. At least his family had people to remind them they weren’t insane.
“Well, AA changed my life. Not only because of the steps, but because of people like this guy.” Tony nodded at Brett. “Watching someone else work through their shit is inspiring.”
Brett exhaled. “You worked through it before I did.”
Tony put an arm around Leanne’s shoulders. “Never done though, eh?”
Penny leaned forward and clasped her hands on the table. “What does that mean? I’ve never really understood why people keep going to meetings when they’re sober. Like, years sober. I get the short term.”
Tony drew a deep breath. “I know, it seems like there should be an endpoint. Maybe for some people there is, but most of us need to keep working those muscles. To remind ourselves what skills we should be using. It’s almost like a spiritual lifestyle.”
“And when something gives you your life back, you can’t help but want to support others taking their first steps,” Brett added. He put a hand on her knee and squeezed. He was glad he’d mentioned to Tony that she lost her brother a few years ago so he didn’t ask something stupid, but as the waitress brought them their drinks, Brett wished he could snap his fingers and make everyone else around them disappear so they could continue this conversation in private.
Even that thought made his ribs squeeze.What could he say to make her believe that he wouldn’t end up like Lucas when he couldn’t guarantee that for himself?
“That’s beautiful,” Penny murmured. “It’s amazing that there’s a community like that for people who need it.”
The conversation shifted to Leanne’s work as an elementary school teacher, then to Tony’s habit of wearing socks to bed, which then somehow morphed into sustainable wool shearing practices. Tony had thoughts, and when they finally parted ways and drove home, Brett’s stomach muscles ached both from laughter and their poor choice of midway rides.
Brett thought about broaching the AA topic. He thought about starting at the beginning and telling Penny how one of his hockey teammates offered him his first drink in high school. How he’d always been socially awkward and that night he’d felt untouchable. How everyone paid attention to him the following Monday at school, and how he quickly adopted the belief that the girls he was interested in only wanted that version of him. Funny Brett. Confident Brett. How he started drinking a beer before he left the house in the morning.
But when Penny twined her fingers in his and smiled up at him as they walked up the sidewalk to their steps, the words shriveled on his tongue. He wasn’t that person anymore, and maybe if she didn’t know he’d ever been there, she wouldn’t look at him any differently than she did in that moment under the streetlight.
ChapterTwenty-Three
Penny stoodat the end of the bed barely able to keep her feet on the floor. “I made the money.” Brett looked up from his phone. “I just paid Andrea. So you get your wish. I told Jordan this is my last week seeing patients.”Two weeks.It was two weeks until her parents’ anniversary, and it was a huge weight off her shoulders to get that money posted.
Brett’s jaw worked, and Penny knew what he was thinking. Their timeline was ticking down in his head just like it was in hers. She braced herself for him to ignore the comment, or worse, acknowledge it, then look back down at his screen. Instead, his face split into a smile and he reached for her, setting his phone on the comforter next to him. Penny launched herself onto the bed and slid against his side where she already fit perfectly.
“I had no doubt you’d hit it early. Did she wait until now to book everything?” Brett asked, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close.
Penny shook her head. “No, she put everything on her credit card and we’ve been paying her back.”
“What if you didn’t pay her?”
“Then she’d blame us forever for her interest payments.”
Brett chuckled. “That’s faith right there.” Penny counted his ribs with her fingertips. “Are you excited to go?”
Penny wasn’t sure whether he meant Vancouver or Greece, but she chose to respond to the latter. “I haven’t been to the Mediterranean since I was a kid. I don’t even remember my aunt and uncle who still live there.”
“You’ll be there for two weeks?”
“Ten days.” She breathed him in, closing her eyes and sinking deeper against his chest.Maybe you don’t have to go?Penny had been thinking non-stop about that moment when she’d walk out the door of their apartment for the last time. When she’d load her boxes in the back of a moving van and drive away from this block.
She didn’t want to go. Not permanently. Her resolve to force herself to ride without training wheels was quickly crumbling. Each time Brett held her. Each time a message popped up on her phone. Each time they laughed late into the night. Each time they made love.
This was different.
This was good.
