Penny threw a stack of underwear and socks in one of the top drawers of the dresser Tyler had left. How had she gotten to her early thirties without ever having a traditional roommate experience? She thought she was going to have to figure something out after Lucas died, but then Danny had come along and her whole world had shifted.
A thought occurred to her for the first time. Had she jumped in so hard and fast with Danny because of what happened to Lucas? That was kind of her MO, so it shouldn’t have felt surprising.
Feeling sad?
Find a boyfriend.
Frustrated?
Boyfriend.
Unsure what to do next?
Having a boyfriend was the obvious solution.
Even if the relationships weren't ideal, being with someone was easier than admitting she didn't know what she wanted to do in her life. Being a physical therapist was great. But she'd always assumed that once she graduated, her path would be more clear.
Wasn't that how it was supposed to work? Get an education, get a job, settle somewhere, and enjoy life? That was certainly how it had worked for two of her older siblings.
After Lucas, her parents had been less than subtle about where they thought her life should be headed. On the one hand, they’d poured out more love in the past three years than the rest of her life combined. On the other, Penny had never felt more pressure to make them proud. To prove that they weren’t terrible parents because one of their children hadn’t made it.
They hadn't been big fans of Danny, and she couldn't blame them. Even when they'd asked her to reconsider moving to Calgary, she was blinding herself to the red flags. All Danny talked about was himself, his practice, his goals. She could count on one hand the number of times he’d ever asked her what she wanted or what she was interested in.
He just assumed her interests were his. But she’d been more than happy to hide behind someone else's ambitions because she had none, and the pressure to make her parents proud was crushing.
What was the point?She'd done everything she could to help her brother, and it hadn't changed a damn thing. She'd been the one he called when he was high and couldn't get home at three in the morning. She’d been the one to pick him up and watch him overnight when he couldn't remember what he'd taken or how much.
She'd gone to therapy with Lucas, had talked on the phone with him for hours in the middle of the night while he sobbed into the speaker. She’d seen his face grow gaunt, his eyes shadowed. She’d watched him waste away and pick at his skin. She'd sat on pins and needles during work hours just waiting to get a call that he hadn't made it home.
When that call finally came, despite all the imagination and mental practice, she still wasn’t ready for it. So when Danny had shown up at her office after a lunch meeting and asked her out, she had no hesitation. Yes, she would go to dinner. Yes, she would go dancing.
Yes, yes, yes.Anything to keep her from having to go home, from talking to her parents or seeing the look in their eyes reminding her that she had failed at herone job.
She'd been unofficially tasked with taking care of Lucas because she was the one he always called. It had been as simple as that. Penny loved and hated him for that. She hated how he hurt her. How she was constantly anxious. And yet, she wouldn’t have wanted him to rely on anyone else.
She loved being the one he trusted, the one who was supposed to make him better. But every time he fell deeper, her own shame and disappointment in herself grew deeper roots.
Penny swiped at the tears in her eyes and gave up on emptying her suitcase. She stood, stalked to the bathroom, and splashed cold water on her face. The tears that had been close to breaking out all day were finally here, and she didn't want to face this standing up.
She hurriedly brushed her teeth, pulled her hair into a braid and was about to jump into bed when she remembered she hadn't put her sheets or comforter on yet.
She cursed under her breath, realizing she’d brought her sheets, but her quilt was still at Kelty's. They’d been cold the night before while watching a movie and had pulled it off her bed. She wasnotgoing to go out and ask Brett for a blanket looking like this, so she spread her sheets over the bed with trembling hands and pulled on a sweatshirt, then curled up, clutching her pillow.
At least living with Danny had taught her one thing.
She knew how to cry without making a sound.
ChapterFour
At eight,the sun was already well on its journey across the sky. The summer days were longer here than in Vancouver, but not by much. She was going to have to get some blackout curtains for this room. That or a sleep mask, which was probably easier than putting holes in Brett’s wall.
Penny rolled to her side and stretched, then listened for any sound outside of her bedroom door. When she heard nothing, she crept from the bed, went to the bathroom, and rinsed her mouth out with water.
When she walked back into her room, her phone screen lit up. A message from Danny. Penny’s heart leaped into her throat as her thoughts fragmented. Why was he texting? Did he regret how he’d treated her? Was he going to digitally cuss her out for leaving?
She swiped up and started to read.
Having trouble finding the blue foam roller. Any thoughts? Tim thinks you were the last to use it
