I tear my eyes away to scan the parking lot. We’re surrounded by greenery. Shrubs, trees, and general coastal vegetation. I can’t see the beach, but I’m assuming it’s down the narrow pathway that seems busier than the 101 we were driving on—at tenAMon a Thursday.
I focus on Xander through a new lens, taking him in. Those wide, strong shoulders, solid hips, strong thigh muscles.
His body is carved by fucking Poseidon himself.
The aircon is still blasting as the engine idles, but it’s getting hot in here.
“Santa Barbara, yes,” he says as my eyes fly back up to his face. “But this is where you’d find me and—”
“Xander!” A woman that looks around my mom’s age comes jogging up to the car, the saltwater drying on her skin in whiteblotches, sand up to her ankles, and her dark brown curls fighting their hardest against being slicked-back wet. She’s holding a surfboard. Dread fills me at the realization. Surely this can’t be. He wouldn’t …
“Mom,” he says, startled. He does a double take to me before getting out of the car to greet his … MOTHER.
I am meeting his mother. This cannot be happening. This has to be against dating protocol. I watch as he goes in for a big bear hug, not caring that it’ll get his white T-shirt wet. I hear his mom say something about the waves pumping.
I’ve got about three seconds to figure out how to play this.
I don’t date.And yet, I am dating Xander.I don’t have relationships.And yet, I’m in a fake relationship with Xander.I don’t meet the parents.And yet, I’m about to meet his fucking mom right now.
Stoked, dude.
I unbuckle myself reluctantly and haul my ass out of the car. The sun immediately beats down on me, reminding me that Ventura County in the dead middle of summer might just be in the hottest place on planet earth.
I look over to Xander’s mom and offer her a smile. She beams right back. “You must be Ash,” she says, her voice warm and sparkling. I wait for the coronary I expect to have, knowing that Xander has spoken about me enough that his mother can recognize me by sight, but it never comes. In fact, she is so inviting, it makes me instantly want to hug her. As if on cue, she goes in for a hug but pulls back at the last moment, thinking maybe I don’t want my T-shirt wet. With one hand extended, she says, “I’m Eva. It’s so nice to meet you.”
I look to Xander. “I swear I didn’t know she was going to be here,” he says. Apparently, my face is an open book, and he just speed-read the whole thing in one glance.
“It’s true. This isn’t an ambush. I couldn’t resist the swell,” she says, running one of her hands through her long, loose curls, shaking out the water. Like mother, like son. “But while I’m here, can I be of assistance?”
I cock my head at Xander.Assistance?
He puts his hands in his pockets.I’ve got nothing to hide.
“I have embarrassing stories. I have the first love letter he ever wrote to his high school girlfriend,” she says, offering up the first anecdote I’ve heard from Xander’s childhood. “It was so bad, she broke up with him.”
I steal a glance at Xander.Naw. Poor baby, I convey to him wordlessly.
His shrug is so casual he could be lying down.What can I say, I’m a romantic.
“Not nearly embarrassing enough,” I say, turning back to his mom, rubbing my hands together. “What else you got?”
“Oh, he once had the stomach flu at the same time as a junior surf competition,” she says, shaking her head. “I told him not to surf, but he was determined.”
“Oh no,” I say, enjoying this way too much.
“They had to stop the competition. The water was deemed unsanitary,” she says, shaking her head in shame.
“I was winning my heat,” Xander says, defending his decision. “So that makes me the winner.”
“He’s not even embarrassed. He’s bragging,” I say, protesting to his mom at this piece of information. I can’t help but be impressed she raised Xander with the kind of self-esteem that borders on a fully functioning, healthy grown adult. If only he could get seven hours of shut-eye a night. I guess we can’t all be perfect.
“Right,” she says, pondering. Then she clicks her fingers. “I walked in on Xander in the bathroom surrounded by candles andmy very expensive lotion slathered all over his hands,” she says.Oh, shit.“I’ve never seen someone slam a laptop shut so fast.”
I burst out laughing. “I cannot picture Xander watching porn.”
“Oh no, he wasn’t. He was watchingRomeo + Juliet.”
I look to Xander, clutching my heart.So romantic.
