It was a struggle without two of my fingers or any nails, but I managed to secure it around my throat, and as soon as I had, the demons released Lothar. He snatched me up again, ignoring his burns, and instead attacked my collar, yanking at it, snarling, and choking me in the process.
“Lothar,” Sera snapped.
He ignored her, still grappling with my collar, getting more and more worked up. My oxygen was restricted enough that I was starting to see black spots. I was going to pass out.
Lothar roared suddenly, jolted, and dropped me. I gasped and choked, desperately sucking in much needed oxygen.
One of the demons held a rod, like a fucking cattle prod.
“Lothar,” Sera snapped again and held up his collar. “If you are in there somewhere, best you persuade the beast to put this on. If you don’t, your mate will lose her head.” She waved her hand and long, thin silver spikes, blessed like the bars, burst from the inside of the collar she was holding.
If she did that to the one I was wearing, the spikes were long enough that they’d burn right through, until I eventually lost my head completely, and that wasn’t something I could survive.
“Put this on, beast, or your mate pays the price.” She tossed it into the cage, and Lothar’s beast picked it up. Then snarling at it, he tried to do as she said, fumbling and struggling with his claws and thick fingers, then finally held it out to me.
I took it and put it on him.
“How sweet,” Sera said, then gave me a cold smile. “Try to get some sleep, won’t you, we have a big day tomorrow.” Then she clicked her fingers at Beelzebub.
The demon’s gaze slid to me, and his lips curled up. He was going for bravado, but I saw the truth he was trying to hide. If Seraphina failed, he was toast. “Lucifer’s going to make you scream, you know that, right, B?” I said to him and smiled.
There was a flicker of fear in his eyes, but it lasted for just a split second.
“You should be more worried about yourself, Roxy. Shit isn’t looking too good for you right now.” Then he scooped Sera up and strode to the huge tent her demons had hastily pitched for them and disappeared inside.
* * *
It didn’t take long for oppressive darkness to descend on the Outer Realm. I was hungry and cold and exhausted. I tried to fight the tiredness, but in the end, I lay down in the center of the cage, so I wouldn’t accidentally touch the bars and curled into a ball.
Lothar’s beast had been preoccupied with snarling at the demons and into the shadows for the last couple of hours, but now that the demons were gathered around a fire several yards away, he’d calmed down some.
Shivering, I looked at the fire and wished I could feel its warmth.
“Mate cold,” the beast said, then lay down beside me and pulled me into his arms.
I didn’t resist. He was so warm and, thankfully, wasn’t squeezing too tight since the demons weren’t as close. “Thank you.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Smell good,” he said, and I felt his hard length now pressed against me.
I quickly turned in his arms, and he let me. I looked up at him, into those red eyes. “You don’t want to hurt your mate, do you?”
He shook his head, bared his teeth and growled, as if he wanted to attack himself at the very idea. Then he nuzzled my neck and ground his erection against me again. “Mate, open legs for me.”
The pills Ursula had given me, concealed in that cheap ring I’d given Drake, would have come in handy right about now, but they were long gone. My clothes had been wet, covered in blood, stripped off, tossed aside. I had no idea where they’d ended up. Since sedation was off the cards, I had to somehow convince Lothar’s beast that sex wasn’t a good idea. “I’m still in some pain from being tortured, I need to rest. Being with you that way could hurt me right now.” I wrapped my arms around him. “Will you just hold me? Like this?”
The beast flared his nostrils, but then slid his arms around me. “Like this?”
He sounded more like Lothar than the beast that time, even though his eyes were still red. “Yes, just like that. Thank you.” I pressed against him tight and squeezed my eyes closed. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and hoped that Lothar heard me.
Yes, he’d broken my heart all those years ago, but I’d broken him, too, in so many ways. The punishment he had suffered didn’t fit the crime. Taking his memories, forcing him to live in ignorance, driving his beast to madness, was too much for anyone to suffer, and now he thought he’d forced himself on me as well.
My guilt was unbearable. Somehow, I would find a way to release him from the mating bond. He deserved a good female, someone like Asher, someone worthy of him, someone who would fight for him and cherish him. What he’d done had seemed unforgivable at the time, and even now it hurt to think about it, but he didn’t deserve this. No. Better he thinks I am an evil, selfish bitch than blame himself for one more thing.
I felt the bond between us now, so strong, but it was as fractured as Lothar was. It wasn’t flowing easily between us because Lothar was resisting it with everything he had.
He hadn’t chosen this. First the option was taken from him, now it had been forced on him.
I didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve his love, and even if there was no way to release him, he’d never truly be mine, not now. Not with how fucking messed up this was.
