His lips curled up on one side. “You thought you could extract information that I couldn’t?”
I dropped my blade from below Poe’s face and straightened. The demon slumped in relief.
Sliding my knife into its sheath, I curled my bloodstained hands into fists. “Anything’s possible.”
Lucifer chuckled. “I suppose, but there is no escaping what must be done, Roxana.”
He rarely used my full name, but when he did, it meant he wouldn’t be swayed. He opened the door, stepped out, and held it open for me to follow. I had no choice but to obey, but I scowled and stomped out, making sure he knew I was doing it under duress.
We headed back along the cavern toward his quarters, and as we walked, the emotions swirling inside me like an out-of-control hurricane shamed me. Lucifer was my king. My creator. My everything. Love was a paltry word for what I felt for him, which was why the burning hot rage I felt toward him right now filled me with guilt.
He opened the door to his quarters and strode across the main room, opening the double doors on the other side that led to his private gardens, doors that only those closest to him could see, and again, motioned for me to follow.
Mini, his cat, slinked out with us, curling around Lucifer’s legs when he stopped beside his favorite olive tree.
I wiped my expression clean. I was behaving like a petulant child. I was a warrior first and foremost, and I would behave like one. Which meant I bit back everything that sat on the tip of my tongue. It was hard, so hard, especially when it felt like there was a jagged ball in the center of my chest playing pinball with my ribs and tearing shit up.
His gaze slid to my hip, where the bottom of the scar peeked out between my jeans and shirt. It was the only scar on my body. It should be impossible, but the weapon that caused the wound had been special, one that was capable of killing me. It had taken years for the deep slice to heal, and the jagged and ugly scar was a constant reminder of…so many things.
“I still have nightmares about what you went through,” Lucifer said and cupped the side of my face. “My precious child, my sweet Roxy. I remember the pain in your eyes and the horror. I know what that night cost you. Do you truly think I would harm you purposely? That I would send you on this hunt with Lothar if I didn’t think it was the only way?”
It hurt being angry with Luci. I hated it. Tears sprang to my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I did doubt you,” I admitted. “I’m just…I’m scared.”
A gentle smile curled his lips. “You are my fiercest warrior, my most brutal torturer and skilled seductress. You have faced down enemies that would make lesser beings piss in their pants. You, my precious one, are Roxana the Blade, a formidable handmaid to Lucifer, the king of Hell, and one of my most beloved creations. There is nothing you can face that you will not defeat.”
I let his deep voice resonate over me, through me, then covered his hand with mine, looking up at his handsome face. Every sharp line and angle was as familiar to me as my own reflection. “I’ll do whatever it takes to carry out your orders, Luci. I won’t let you down.”
“You never have, Rox. I know you’re angry with me right now, but I hope when this is all over, you will be able to forgive me,” he said and pulled me in for a hug.
I wrapped my arms around him, the guilt gnawing wider inside me, because he was right, of course. He sensed exactly how I was feeling. Lucifer knew everything. All the things he’d just said were very nice, but the anger, the hurt, was still there because he did know how hard this would be for me, and yet he was making me go anyway.
Everything Lucifer did was for a reason, though, and questioning him, doubting him, was disrespectful and disloyal. These volatile emotions made me feel so awful, so ashamed. “You know I love you,” I said as a hot tear streaked down my face.
He swiped it away gently. “Of course, I do. And I love you, too, so very much,” he said, his thumb sliding down to my jaw. “You will get through this, Roxy. I promise.”
I nodded, but for the first time in my very long life, I doubted him. I doubted my king.
And when he wrapped me in his arms, holding me tighter, and a pained sound rumbled from his chest, I knew he felt that too.
Lothar
“Lucifer always has an ulterior motive, which means he has to know more than he’s letting on,” Warrick said from his spot on the other side of my quarters.
War was right. Lucifer liked to play with people and situations, but this was different. “I agree, but when it comes to his throne, he’s not gonna want to mess around. It would be in his best interest to share everything he knows. If he has any info on Beelzebub, I fucking hope he decides to fill me and Rox in on it.”
War nodded and his brow lifted. “I’m surprised he chose Roxy to go with you, honestly. He likes to keep her close.”
I was just as surprised. I shoved a couple pairs of jeans in my bag with the rest of my clothes and zipped it up. “Yeah, especially since we have no idea how long this could take.”
If truth be told, I wasn’t looking forward to it. The handmaid had been giving off some serious vibes lately, ones that rubbed my beast the wrong way. Well, more than usual. I slid my favorite knife into my boot sheath, swung my bag over my shoulder, and we headed through the dens and upstairs to the clubhouse aboveground.
“You need anything, just call,” War said. “And keep me updated, yeah?”
“Will do,” I said as my alpha gripped my hand and pounded my back with the other.
I’d said my goodbyes to the rest of the pack last night over a few drinks. The parking lot was empty when I walked out, most still sleeping it off. I headed to the chiller behind the workshop and grabbed the deer Jagger had caught, butchered, and bagged for Kurgan. Kurgan was still refusing to see Jag, blaming him for keeping him from his female, so Jag was giving him time, and we were taking turns dropping off his meat.
When I walked back around front, Asher was there, waiting by her bike.
