He’s gazing into my eyes, and I wish he could see my intentions. See the pain I’ve been through at losing my brother. Know what I’d be willing to do to get some answers. But he can’t. And suddenly, I realize all my desperate pleas are for nothing.
“Fuck, this isn’t gonna work, is it? Even if I tell you the truth, you won’t believe it and you’ll text Spencer.” And once Preston knows I’ve betrayed them, it’s over for me. I won’t get any answers, and all that spying on the Sinners will have been for nothing.
I turn away from him as a tear escapes my eye.
“Just fucking get it over with, will you?” I blurt out, my voice cracking. I take the key card out of my back pocket and hold it out to him. As he takes it, my thoughts drift back to my childhood. To a moment when I was playing near a drop-off by the lake.
The ground breaks under me, and I tumble into the water below. I get some water in my mouth and start coughing, inhaling more water. I struggle in a panic before hearing asplash. Everything’s happened so fast, and I’m disoriented before I suddenly emerge from the water, coughing as I feel arms wrap around me, pulling me ashore. As we reach it, I turn to find Nick at my side.
“Alexei, just keep coughing. You’re okay. You’re okay. I got you, bro.”
Even though my body is still going through fits to recover from the fall, I know he’s right. I’m safe as long as he’s beside me.
Matteo glances between his phone and the key card.
“Just put me out of my fucking misery, man.”
Instead of texting, he lowers his phone. “How were you planning to get this notebook?”
Maybe he just wants more of the story so he can tell Spencer and Preston all the gory details. But what do I have to lose? “I was gonna head over there on Sunday—”
“There’s another party tonight. Why not do it then?”
“That won’t work. They’ll be using it.”
“Using it?”
Matteo has no clue why I can’t just answer his damn questions. “I can’t do it tonight,” I insist, leaving it at that. “So Sunday, I was gonna go over there, find a way in, and get my hands on it. What else do you want from me? You want to record my fucking confession?”
“If you steal it, won’t they realize someone has it?”
“I know what I need from it. I’ll just capture pics on my phone.”
Matteo’s gaze wavers, and he bites his bottom lip. “What if you take me with you on Sunday, and I make sure that’s all you’re gonna do?”
I can hardly process that. “Why would you do that?”
“To make sure I’m not aiding and abetting a criminal.”
“I’m technically still stealing…”
“Not if they really owe you.”
“You don’t have any reason to trust me. Why would you even suggest that?”
He shrugs. “Did you want me to text Spencer? Because I can.”
“No. I’m trying to understand where this is coming from.”
“Well, now you know how I’ve felt since I caught you in the locker room.”
I’m as confused as I was when I tumbled into the lake as a kid, struggling to sort through what’s happening. Is he seriously considering helping me? Or… “Is this a trick where you tell the guys and they confront me at Alpha Alpha Mu?”
“I guess you’re just gonna have to trust me the way I have to trust you.”
I don’t like this, but Matteo’s backed me into a corner, and now he’s the one thing standing between me and my chance to get my hands on that notebook…my chance to get some answers about what happened to Nick.
I study his expression. Worst-case scenario: I agree, and the moment he leaves, he texts the guys and fucks me over.
