“So we’re not that much better off than we were before,” Luke says.
I’m stunned he’d say that. “That’s not true. There were only four of you before who could fight this thing. Now there are ten, and yes, I’m including myself, the useless one.”
Matteo turns to me. “You’re not useless,” he spits out.
“I appreciate that, but I just meant, I’m a part of this now, whether anyone likes it or not. We all are. And we all have a responsibility to deal with this.”
I’m waiting for someone to object. To remind me I’m as useless to them as I was to Syphor, but Seth pipes up from beside Cody. “You’re right.”
Of all the people in the group I expected to hear that from, he wasn’t the one.
“If you hadn’t been there tonight, you wouldn’t have bought us that time, and he might have gotten into Cody. And then God knows what might have happened. You got me out of that gag so I could stop the frats from intervening while Matteo attacked Syphor. As far as I’m concerned, you and Matteo are Sinners, and I’m sorry for doubting either of you.” There’s a sincerity in his words I’m not used to hearing from Seth. “Unless any of the guys disagree?”
“No, I think Seth summed it up pretty well,” Luke says, placing his hand on my shoulder, offering a warm smile.
And fuck if I’m not getting all choked up, tears stirring in my eyes. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where these guyswould ever consider trusting me after what I did, yet here we are. As my gaze meets Matteo’s, I know he understands what this means to me. The weight it takes off my chest.
“Anyway,” Preston says, “we have plenty to catch up on, and I figure we can do that when Finn and Cody are better, but, Alexei, I do want to have a quick word with you. In private.”
The way he looks at me, I know what it’s about. My brother. The promise they made. Or one that Syphor made.
“I think we should be done with secrets,” Seth says.
“It’s personal,” Matteo says, stepping up for me. “Very personal. Doesn’t have anything to do with anyone but Alexei.”
I see the hesitation in Seth’s expression.
“No,” I say. “I’m tired of secrets. You can discuss it in front of them.”
“Alexei,” Matteo says. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
“All right, then,” Preston says. “Syphor never had any intention of helping you find out what happened to your brother.”
And there are the tears again. I fight them back.Keep it together.
“Figured,” is as much as I can say without totally losing it. It’s an emotional sucker punch. The last straw in this wild night. Maybe because I’m so fucking tired. Or maybe because I’ve secretly been hoping that somehow, this one thing would pull through.
“You said Finnegan got in touch with his deceasedmom.”
He shakes his head. “That’s what we were led to believe, but now, from what we understand about the shit Syphor did, it could have been anything telling Finn what he wanted to hear. It was all a lie.”
As I keep myself together, I swallow, struggling with the news, beating up on myself even more. I should have fuckingknown.
“Thanks for telling me,” I say.
Preston nods, and he says something before heading off, but I don’t hear him, too caught up in my shit.
And I’m just glad when he’s gone, but the emotion’s creeping up on me. I can’t keep this in. I need to get away. I hurry through the hall, toward the restroom I visited while we were waiting for Cody to wake up. I’m relieved when I finally get inside and close myself off in a stall. The tears rush down my face. My chest constricts. My mind takes me back to so many years earlier.
All the hope.
The desperate searching.
I wrap my arms around my chest, holding on to my shoulders as I squat down, curling into myself. Even though there’s no one else in the restroom, I find myself trying to keep the pain in, but it bursts free. The tears fall in drops onto the floor as I stifle a cry, rage at the universe.
Acreakcatches my attention. The restroom door. I’m not alone.
