It’s been a tough few days for him, so I get why he’s on edge. We both are.
I reach over the table and rest my hand on his, squeezing gently.
He takes a breath, and his tension relaxes. After a few moments, he flips his hand over, taking mine. He does it so naturally and effortlessly.
Fuck, I have more important things to think about right now than Matteo holding hands with me.
“We should tell the Sinners,” I say. “They got Farras out of you, so they can get this thing out of him.”
Matteo nods. “Agreed. Let’s text them. Meet at the church. See what they say.”
*
We reach theloose board along the side of the church, andMatteo pulls it back, motioning for me to go ahead. As I step in, I feel his hand against the small of my back. Like when he held my hand, it’s a gesture I note.
Once I’m inside, I turn back to him. As he relaxes his hand, it’s like he didn’t even notice what he was doing. Is this how he’s gonna be now that we’ve admitted we like each other?
I hope so.
I lead the way to the cellar. The Sinners aren’t here yet, so Matteo plops in a chair by a desk, but I can’t sit while I’m this anxious.
“It’s weird having to see Brad and Luke now,” I confess, pacing.
“I hear you. It’s been weird seeing Brad around. Although it must be different for you with the whole…spying-on-them thing.”
That truth makes my guilt burn again.
“Wanna talk about it?” Matteo asks.
My gaze meets his, and he’s looking at me, not like someone who’s being polite, but like he really wants to be here for me. Part of me wants to tuck this away with everything else I keep to myself, but maybe because I’ve already let Matteo see so much of me, so much more than most, I don’t.
“When Preston first told me what I had to do, it didn’t seem so messy. These Sinner guys were gonna go after Luke, and I had to protect him. I was doing a good thing, I thought. And I met Luke, and even right from the start… You ever met someone and it’s like you’re certain you must have been friends in another life?”
“I felt that way with Brad freshman year. We hit it off so effortlessly.”
“Same. At first, we’d watch movies together and order takeout and just talk about shit. And I wasn’t lying to him about my life. I was honest about who I was. Then Luke got recruited into the Sinners, and Preston told me the deal was off if I warned him. Maybe I should have, but by that point, I was so close. Then there was that wild night, and Cody healed me, and that got me thinking I might have been wrong about them. And after that, I started to see them as more than assholes trying to hurt Luke. I could see myself being friends with these guys.”
Matteo pushes to his feet. “None of that makes you a bad person. Like you said, you thought you were helping him.”
“But there was a point where if I wasn’t selfish, I would have told him.”
“If he knew your reasons, do you think he would judge you? I wouldn’t.”
Maybe he’s right, but that doesn’t take this guilty feeling away.
And it’s more than that.
“There’s that part,” I go on, “but then there’s this other that wonders if I can trust them. Everything they told us makes sense, but I felt that way about Preston. And then I’m like, well, who the fuck thinks that about someone they want to be friends with?”
He takes my hand, massaging the back with his thumb.
“Mmm. That feels good,” I say. “Reminds me of thenight at the factory. That massage.”
A smile sweeps across his face. “Maybe that’s what you need right now.” He releases my hand and grabs hold of my shoulders, rubbing gently. I ease into his hold, my body eager to feel that relief again.
“Here, come sit down.” He guides me to the desk, and I settle in. He steps behind me, his hands gripping my shoulders, offering a gentle rub, then firming it.
“Oh fuck,” I say as he hits a tender spot. “Right there.” And he works it with his thumbs.
