When I had to act like everything was fine.
I could do that.
I had to.
34
Owen
Iwanted to chase after Keeg.
To tell him he was wrong and that we could find a way to make it work, but my legs locked in place.
Seeing him in pain cut like a knife right through me.
I took another sip of my Sprite, thinking about what I’d lost.
What I’d let go.
In times like this, I had to consider what it would feel like to make that decision once again—to find the tool I knew could rescue me and save me for the night. I wouldn’t let myself go there, I knew that well enough, but it was a dark fantasy that came unbidden.
Even worse was knowing that I was going to have to see him again.
Not that I didn’t want to, but knowing I would have to see that beautiful face and bear the painful truth that I was the reason he had gone…
Better now than later.
I heard the balcony door open, and it was terrible how much I wished it was him…that he’d come back to tell me what an idiot I was and that I was all wrong.
Of course, I knew that wasn’t true. For once, I really believed Lucas was right. How could I subject Keegan to that life? How could I do that to anyone when I knew myself what a great struggle it was?
“So,” I heard behind me, recognizing the familiar voice, but no, not him.
Not my Keegan.
I turned to Frederick, who wore a sympathetic smile, as though he could intuit the conversation I’d shared with Keegan moments earlier, not that that was possible.
“Rough night?” he asked.
“Rough past few months.”
He nodded, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Come on. I think we need to have a chat somewhere a little more private.”
A chat sounded good right about then.
Frederick knew me well enough not to push straight away, and he led me downstairs to the bar, where we tucked away into a nearby booth.
“So…that Steve and Casey…they have a thing going on or…”
I knew what he was doing. Trying to change the subject. And I certainly needed to get my mind on something else, not that I really believed that would be possible.
“I’m not too sure about them. Steve’s straight according to Keegan, but the way they look at each other makes me wonder if there might be something more going on there.”
He quieted again, taking a drink.
“How long are you going to sit here and let me avoid what we both know I want to talk about?”
“Until you surrender to my charm and good looks,” he joked, but I couldn’t even enjoy it.
