Ty smiled, then laughed.
“What is it?” I asked.
He glanced around the room. “Just the constant reminder of how in over my head I am.”
“Considering everything, I’d say you’re handling it all pretty damn well, and everyone here, Kyle included, knows it. You’ve done a stunning job, and I don’t just mean at intriguing the hell out of me.” I ran my finger through his dyed bangs, tracing my fingertip around his face.
Ty beamed before looking down at the cards. “Any thoughts about what you want to play?”
“Something that doesn’t involve betting. Feel like I have too much at stake as it is.”
As Ty looked at me, I wondered if he knew what I was referring to.
Him.
He stopped shuffling. “I guess that answers one of my questions.”
“Which question?”
“If you get nervous. Like when you went to track down this guy…or the stuff you’re talking about going out and doing to stop Ivan Blackmore Jr. You seem very collected and methodical about it. It all sounds good when you’re talking about it in theory, but between knowing what this guy’s into and that he’s out to kill you, are you ever scared?”
“Scared…Such an interesting word. I’ve done a lot of things like this throughout my life. It’s definitely hard. I think one of the reasons I was able to do it is that I was willing to put my life on the line like this. In some way, I wanted something to happen early on.”
“What?”
“Remember what I told you about being great for this job because I didn’t have anything to lose? A man without anything to lose doesn’t mind throwing himself in harm’s way.”
“Yes.” He appeared saddened by my response. “I’m sorry you were in that kind of place.”
I hadn’t realized until his expression had shifted that what I was referring to must’ve reminded him of his mother’s suicidal ideation.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t saying that to make you think about your mom.”
“No, it’s fine. You felt how you felt. And I want you to be honest with me…about your life…your past…everything.”
I could feel the depth of what he meant. I wanted that too, of course, yet I knew there were limitations to what we could share.
But Ty was the first person I’d ever met who made it so easy for me to share…who made mewantto share.
“If you’re asking me about this particular job, I can say that I’m genuinely, for the first time in a very long time,terrified.”
“Terrified about what?”
He sounded so concerned, like he wanted to be there for me, if only he could be inside my mind and understand my world.
I reached out to his face, offering that familiar stroke of my thumb across his bottom lip. “Because now I do have something I could lose, something I have to protect. I’m starting to understand why I was so guarded against this for so long…because the mere thought of something happening to you tears me apart in a way that’s so fucking painful.”
Ty slipped my thumb into his mouth, biting down gently before I felt his tongue flick the tip.
As he released it, I pulled it back and slid my thumb into my mouth, taking a lick, tasting his saliva, fucking reveling in the taste of him.
I closed my eyes, shamelessly sucking my thumb like a child just to get more of Ty into my mouth, against my tongue.
