I couldn’t believe he was sharing that, but even more confusing was how the fuck petty shit from my childhood pertained to something sohorrific.
“Just like that,” he said with a snap of his fingers. “Because that’s how it goes in our line of work. You sometimes have only a few precious seconds and that’s it. And a fire doesn’t give a fuck how much a person gives or cares or loves…or how many people need that person to keepgoing.”
I could feel his heart wrenching as he forced the wordsout.
“Crawford McKenzie Kruse,” headded.
McKenzie stuck out. “Mac?”
He nodded, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Then he coughed, seemingly trying to create a distraction from his moment of weakness. “Some of the guys from the station told Nance first, and she just fell apart, and then she pulled Keeg and me into the bedroom. I was sixteen, he was eight. Neither of us knew what was wrong, but Keeg was already crying because Nance was. All I knew was that I had to be tough. Someone had to be strong. Because that’s what Crawford always did. If shit went down, he was a fighter. And I would be too. When she gave us the news, I knew it was my job to be strong…to be there for our family, especially since he couldn’t be. Not that I didn’t cry that night, because I did, but I fought, and I did my best to be strong for them, to help them through it all. It didn’t take long before I started hearing people around town talking about how cool I’d been…how strong…and really, it just ate away at me, and I knew, none of these people knew who the fuck Iwas.”
He looked to me, a tear stirring in his right eye. “So I know about people not seeing the real me. I’m not saying I’m not tough. I know my strengths, and I can handle a lot of shit, but sometimes, I try so hard to be that because people want me to be that for them, and I’m just like…fuck, I’m onlyhuman.”
“Well, that definitely surpasses my childhood bullshit,” I said, chuckling at how stupid I felt for having made such a big deal about my past when his was so much worse. Most of all, though, I was stunned he’d shared it withme.
“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like yours wasn’timportant.”
I approached him and hooked my arm around his shoulders. “I know that, Jace. Thank you forsharing.”
He took what I thought was going to be a sip, but then downed a good three gulps before setting his glass on theledge.
“Maybe you were the smart one. You got out of the role of Lil’ Donnie Gibson and discovered who you were. Me? I’ve been playing cool, easygoing Jace Kruse since I wassixteen.”
His gaze shifted to my lips, and I couldn’t help myself. I lurched forward and kissed him. I just wanted to make him feel better, to bring him someease.
Jace kissed right back and pushed against me, guiding me back against the balcony window. He seemed to lose himself in our kisses as easily as I did. I could hardly think straight as we started tugging at each other’s clothes and making our way backinside.
It was so natural the way we stripped together, kissing between each awkward removal of another article of clothing, as we made our way to the bedroom. His kisses were softer, more sensual than they’d been when we’d fucked around before. I felt like this was the real Jace, the one he often shielded from others, and in the same way, all my walls had come down after I disclosed my secrets, once there was no reason to hold themup.
26
Jace
Dax’s kissesbrought me some relief from the visceral pain searing through me. The memories I’d shared with him stirred so much emotion. Only by seeing the piece of Dax he tried to conceal from the world could I turn and face that part of myself, something I’ve never spoken about, not even withNance.
As much as I enjoyed spending time with Dax, it was in that moment that I felt like we really saw one another. He saw beyond the strength I always attempted to embody, and I saw past the confidence, even arrogance, he displayed. And in that instance of vulnerability I rarely shared, I felt free.Uninhibited.
By the time we entered his hotel bedroom, we’d abandoned most of our clothes. He still wore trunk boxers, and I still had my jeans on. I pushed him, his back accidentally hitting the doorframe. “Ow,” he whispered, laughing. I moved my hand from his back, reaching out and pushing the door closed behind him as I guided him against it, my lips firmly on his as I enjoyed that sensation of his scruff, which I felt like I’d become obsessedwith.
He grasped my nape, keeping me close as he massaged his tongue in my mouth, and I reached down and pressed my hand against his crotch, stroking. I felt his smile against my face, and then he turned us, urging me toward the adjacent recessed wall. He was so assertive as he slid his hand beneath the back of my jeans, under my boxers, gliding his palm over my ass cheek. I pulled away and looked into those serious eyes, and he bent and scooped me up off thefloor.
“Oh, wow,” I said. “Look at you, being theboss.”
“I’m always a boss.” He threw me on the bed so that I bounced, and I laughed as he crawled onto the bed, moving towardme.
“You’reeager.”
“You’resexy.”
He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and slid them down to reveal his erection. Navigating them down his thighs, when he got them past his knees, he slid them back with one hand and removed them nearly effortlessly before tossing them off the bed. No sooner had he finished that, than his lips were on mine again, and he pushed me back against the mattress. I felt him undoing the button of my jeans, and we worked together to pull them off. Soon his cock was up against my body, and mine against his as we pushedtogether.
I loved the sensation of him thrusting against me, feeling his abs and chest close, his bangs falling on my forehead, his legs interwoven with mine. I savored every wet, warm kiss heoffered.
His kiss trailed down my chin, to my neck, and I relaxed as he made his way down, his hands sliding in sync with his mouth as he found my cock and took it in his mouth, working with a skill I could onlyenvy.
“God, I need to remember that for when I blow you,” I told him, and I guessed he took that as confirmation of his impressive job, because he worked evenharder.
He released my shaft from his mouth before gripping it in his hand and flicking his tongue eagerly just beneath thehead.
