“No,” she said, whimpering as she thumbed around on her phone. “You wait righthere.”
With a trembling hand, she offered it tome.
“What the fuck?” I brushed it off, grabbing the door handle, but she threw herself against thedoor.
“No, Dax. You look at this. Justlook.”
I took her phone, seeing an email thread with an ABC emailaddress.
Sorry, but due to recent events, I don’t think I’ll be able to attend this interview after all. Thank you for considering me. xoxoSerena
I checked the time, and it was the night before, when she would have found out about Jace’sinjury.
“I did say yes to the interview,” she confessed. “They asked after the pictures at the car wash, and I was greedy.” Her tears continued down her face. “Sometimes your mother likes to think she’s still in those days when the phone never stopped ringing. And for just a moment, when they emailed, I thought,Oh, they saw pictures of me and remembered that I’m somebody.That they’d want me to talk about my life and the good times. I really did think that, but as soon as I heard about the accident, I knew they were just going to want me to dish on you guys, and I wasn’t going to do that. I never would have done that, and with Keegan, it kills me that you think I could have betrayed him like that. We had such a beautiful conversation, and he’s such an honest and open kid. I would never have revealed anything about him…or exploitedhim.”
Hearing her words and seeing the evidence that, at the very least, she really wasn’t the monster I’d stormed over there thinking she was, I gasped with relief as my own tears flowedfreely.
“God-fucking-dammit,Mom.”
“I did chooseyou, Dax. I chose you when I decided to get clean, really get clean for the final time. And I know I should have done it sooner, but I am trying, so fucking hard. Don’t leave. Don’t go. You’re the only thing I have left in this world that matters…the only thing that was ever real, and I’m sorry it took me so long to figure thatout.”
I hooked my arm around her and pulled her in for ahug.
She wasn’t the best, and things between us weren’t and likely never would be perfect, but between hearing her say those words and knowing she hadn’t cruelly betrayed me for the sake of her career, brought me so much relief that for a moment, I felt like I had anally.
“Don’t leave,” shebegged.
“You should have just shown me this when I nearly beat down yourdoor.”
“You weren’t really telling me what you were so upset about…or listening. But you have to believe that I’m in your life now because I want to be. Because I loveyou.”
I pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Thank you for saying that, Serena…or Miranda…or Katherine…or whatever-the-hell name you decide you need to goby.”
She laughed, batting at her own tears. “Well, I’m here for you now, Dax or Donald or Donnie. I’m here for youandJace.”
“Just me, I think. Jace…um…well, I think he realizes exactly how in over his head he was with…themachine.”
“Oh, Dax.” She wiped at my face, removing a stray tear. “How are youfeeling?”
“Pretty shit,” I said. “I think I might have made amistake.”
“What mistake, DaxyBoo?”
“I think I might have fallen inlove.”
She wrapped her arms around me again, and I held her close, for the first time in so long really feeling like we were on the sameside.
After sharing a few shaky breaths, she pulled away again. “I’ve been ‘in love’ enough times to know the difference between what I had and what you and Jace share. It’s wrong to need a man, but it’s not wrong to want to share life with someone…someone who really makes you happy…someone who you don’tneed.”
“That’s what I pay Carter for,” I joked, trying to cheer myself up, but it didn’twork.
“As hard as it is seeing you like this, it does give me somehope.”
Thefuck?
“Hope?”
“That I didn’t totally fuck everything up…keep you from ever trusting or loving anotherperson.”
