Carter allowed me some time to sort through thenews.
A lot of fucking processing going on thatday.
“Thank you for letting meknow.”
“I’m sorry, man. I know that’s not what you needed to hear rightnow.”
“No, it’sexactlywhat I needed to hear rightnow.”
It was almost sobering to have an explanation for what I’d seen earlier thatday.
Jace’s glass overflowed with water from the faucet filter. He noticed as it ran over his hand, and he turned it off as I hungup.
I didn’t see a reason to leave him hanging. “Serena’s going to thepress.”
“Withwhat?”
“Telling them about how heartbroken the family is. Maybe act like she’s closer to all of it than she really is. I don’t know, put on a show, because that’s what she does. That’s who she fuckingis.”
“I don’t think she’s that bad. She wouldn’t dothat.”
“You don’t know her the way I do. The timing of all this. Her coming here, and then this is just too perfect. Maybe shecouldn’tpass up the opportunity. Whatever the reason, she’s already scheduled an interview with a woman who used to work for the company who outed us, which is too convenient if you ask me. This is all my goddamnedfault.”
“Your fault? Dax, you can’t control what Serenadoes.”
“Not just with this. With everything. This is what I was talking about. This is what this machine does. It doesn’t care about people or feelings. It just destroys things. And no matter how good you try to be, no matter how much you may try to use it to help others, it finds a way to tear you apart. I knew that when I asked you to dothis.”
“And you told me that. I didn’t go into thisblind.”
“I shouldn’t have ever comehere.”
The way Jace was quiet after I said that left me wondering if he was thinking the same thing. I checked his expression, but it was impossible to figure out how he felt about anything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. I was frustrated as fuck because I was so used to being able to read him. He was an open book, and he’d slammed shut onme.
“Maybe you’re right.” Soft as he said the words, I could hear him choke on them, and the way his eyes teared up, I knew it was thetruth.
He might as well have hauled off and punched me in the crotch because that’s how much it hurt. Overcome with emotion, and the pain of feeling Jace shove me away in an instant, was too much. I wanted to thrash about and destroy something, tear his living room apart, but I kept myselftogether.
“I’ve gotta…I’ve gotta go,” I spat out, spinningaround.
I heard Mac whimper, and Jace called out myname.
“I’m going to fix this, Jace. I’ll fix it,” I said quickly as I headed out the door and to mycar.
Tears rushed down my face, streamingeffortlessly.
No, that wasn’t me. I was Dax fucking Munro. I didn’t fall apart over guys. I handled my shit. I didn’t needanyone.
But IwantedJace Kruse so fucking bad ithurt.
38
Jace
Fuck.
I was still so rattled from the accident in the fire, my night at the hospital, and from seeing Crawford’s name and face put on display on the news that I’d been so fucking careless with what I said toDax.
“I shouldn’t have ever comehere.”
