Sam relaxes and shakes his head. “Ty, you asshole.” Ty hooks an arm around him and pulls him close. “Aw, come on. You likeme.”
“I like you as long as you keep doing these fucking bench presses. Jesus, what the hell are you doing to pump this chestup?”
“Eh, just work out more when Istress.”
“Well, keep itup.”
We part ways with Sam in the parking lot, and I turn to Ty. “So…Sam…” I say, knowing I don’t need to go on for Ty to catch mymeaning.
“Nothing’s happening there. We’re becoming friends. He’s a good kid. We did have some drinks the other night, and I was talking to him about…tellingEric.”
“Really?” I must sound a little too hopeful when he says it because he stops and eyes mepeculiarly.
“I’m sorry you’ve had to keep this as long as youhave.”
“I didn’t mean to sound so excited aboutthat.”
“Didn’tyou?”
“It’s fine,” I lie. I haven’t said anything to him about my nightmares. There’s no reason to put that kind of pressure on him, not when I’m sure he’s pressuring himself enough as itis.
“I know you’re stressed out enough with the wedding coming up in a couple of months. Honestly, I’m having a hard time understanding why I can’t find the courage to tell him. It should be easy. He’s a gay man. He’ll understand. Ijust…”
“I didn’t think Charlotte or Stan would care about that, but it doesn’t change that it’s a trickyconversation.”
“I feel a bit like a coward, is all. Maybe this weekend when we’re getting together for rock climbing, I’ll bring it up. I don’t want to cause you any more grief, and you don’t need any more stress. God knows you guys have had enough shit to dealwith.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Ty, but it’s not your job to come out for anybody, especially not me. If you do it, I want it to be foryou.”
“Thank you, but I guess I owe it to both of us. I can’t spend my life hiding from him or worried he’s gonna feel disappointed about me, and that’s always there in myhead.”
“The most disappointing thing to him will probably be feeling like he can’t be there for you when you needhim.”
He takes a beat, like he’s seriously mulling over my words. “Thank you,Jesse.”
“What? For my crappy twocents?”
“For…being Jesse.” He puts his arm around me, and we continue toward the car. “Well, I hope Eric’s ready to find out he has one big gayfamily.”
I burst out laughing, some of the tension easing up. I hope he can follow through with it, for hissake.
Even if he can’t, I can deal with the nightmares. I have Eric and Ty, two of the men who are most important to me in my life, and that’s whatmatters.
This is the rightdirection.
This is just like it’s always been since this whole fucked-up messstarted.
All we can do is take one step at atime.
32
Eric
“Falling!”I call as I grasp for, but miss, the next peg up. I slide down the slanted rock wall, the rope tensing against my harness as I pull myself back to thewall.
Ty lowers me to the floor. “You almost made it to the end that time,” he says. “That’s a first with thisone.”
“I can admit I’m a little jealous you finished that routefirst.”
