Oh, the secrets. Reminds me of how Eric was earlyon.
If only he understoodquid pro quo…if only we had a special phrase that could invite him toshare.
“Ty…talk tome.”
“If it was an easy thing to talk about, I would have done it bynow.”
“I’m here for you. And Eric, obviously. I mean… That is part of what I have playing around my head. Surely, you realize we’d both besupportive.”
“It’s a lot to sort through right now. Until you told me about your feelings for Eric, I don’t even think I understood what I was experiencing all my life. I have some gay friends and Eric, but I didn’t understand what bisexuality really was. Intellectually, of course. I understood the obvious, but I didn’t have a bisexual friend I could talk to. I didn’t know I did, atleast.”
No, not until after Eric and I told him about us seeing one another, which I’m sure was a lot for him to process, on far more levels than only me having a relationship with hisfather.
“It kind of makes more sense to me now, though. Knowing how you and Whitney were and now you and Eric. And I’ve even been thinking, in some weird way, that’s one of the things that maybe brought us together back incollege.”
“Wait…notlike…”
He must sense my concern because his eyes get wide and he goes, “Not what I meant. Well, and yes. The first time I met you in class, I admit I thought you were a hot guy, and I was talking to you because I had a bit of a crush, but then we became friends, and that was all I wanted, legit. I haven’t been harboring any other feelings toward you. What I meant was only that I think the reason we got on so well was because, on some level, maybe we had this connection too, without understanding it. I don’t know if that’s even possible,but—”
“I think so. Not in like some divine-intervention way, but on some subconscious level, maybe we picked up on something about each other that was different without even really understanding what itwas.”
“Exactly,” Tysays.
That’s how it seems with Eric and me—beyond the chemistry, somehow there was some nonverbal understanding that he was more than the obvious…or really, all the things that definitely weren’tobvious.
This brings me to my next concern. “Did you really think I was going to tell Eric last night, without yourconsent?”
“No, man. But it did worry me. Like we talked about before, you’re on his side now. There are things we can’t talk about because he wouldn’t want me to know, or I wouldn’t want him to know…that I wouldn’t want you feeling like you have to keep fromhim.”
Like the secrets I carry for Eric that Ty doesn’t need to know about hisfather.
“I get secrets, and why we keep them,” I say, “but you don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with who you are,right?”
“I’m still figuring it out. When you came out with my father, I wasn’t even really willing to admit it to myself. Like I said, I’ve been attracted to guys and girls, and I guess I’d never really wrapped my thoughts around it. After you explained how you felt, I opened my mind more, and it helped me accept that I didn’t have to have a problem with those times when I would make out withguys.”
“When are these times when you’ve made out withguys?”
“Oh, you know, like even at that party when we were here lastyear.”
“Wait, when were you with aguy?”
“When you were making out with thatgirl.”
“So you weren’t even interested in thegirls?”
“There was one I was kind of interested in, but her friend, Shane, he was…wow…”
“Shane? Yes, I remember Shane. He wasgay?”
“We did a lottogether.”
“Really?”
The way he’s glowing tells me probably way more than I need to know about how good of a time they shared. “Yeah, we had a real incredible time. Just fun, but good fun.” He growls a little bit at the end of his sentence, as though he’s replaying some innocent playfulness with Shane, which makes me laugh some more. It’s bizarre how much it reminds me ofEric.
“And those Tinder dates you were going on a whileback…?”
“Oh, that was a girl. We had some fun, and it fizzled out. I definitely swing both ways. Although, now I actually understand that aboutmyself.”
