“I’ve got this,” I say, determined as fuck until I find another doll. “Was it this one?” I ask the girl, and she nods, her eyesbright.
I hand it off to her, and Jesse gazes at meaffectionately.
Hell, I could swear I see that classic Santa twinklethere.
However, more importantly, I see the man who organized all this, the man who has his own past and issues that have led to him wanting to give this back to the community. It reminds me of what beautiful things can come from even the darkest of moments in one’s life…and how Jesse has found a way to transform his own pain into something that gives life to so manyothers.
To think how much he just wanted to make this one girl’sday.
God, he’s so beautiful. He can’t ever really understand how fucking amazing he is. I don’t know that he would even perceive it thatway.
What he’s done here…or even for me. How he’s transformed my own world in such a short time, shaken me to my core and made me uproot so many of those demons I clung to…unwilling to release them until he camealong.
He’severything.
“You can’t be Santa, though,” Sandysays.
“And why isthat?”
“Santa’s beard doesn’t do this.” She tugs at it, and it slipsdown.
Everyone laughs as Jesse hastily tries torecover.
Sandy’s all giggles, then adds, “It’s okay. I won’t tell. Thank you for thedoll.”
Jesse puts his finger over his lips, and she does the same before her shelter attendant helps her off Jesse’s lap and the next child takes herplace.
As we continue assisting Santa, I can’t get my mind off how much I love this man, and since Liam and I had our discussion in New York, a thought has been creeping up more and more frequently: I could drop to one knee and profess my love for him, marry the hell out ofhim.
I dwell on the idea until Jesse finishes his Santa duties, and soon, we’re hanging by the punch bowl near the main dance floor. The tables around are packed with kids eating from thebuffet.
“Hiya, Eric.” I turn, and Sam, in his little elf costume, approaches to chat with me a bit. He’s the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with, since he pretty much just rambles on the moment I get himgoing.
A few clusters of people away, Connie chats with Jesse, Stan, and Tricia. They’re talking about some movies that have just come out, and it’s clear that Jesse is doing more than his part to include the people in my life who are important to me. At another point, when I glance over, I see Jesse and Ty acting out a part from one of their flag-footballgames.
We really did it, Ithink.
We made it to the other side of allthis.
It may be way too soon to think that, but damn, this is more than I ever believed possible for us. Jesse notices me staring at him, like the creeper I am, and he heads over and grabs myarm.
“Come on, we have to get these guys going,” he tells me as we start out on the sparse dancefloor.
It’s a slower song, but that doesn’t seem to intimidate Jesse, and had it not been for the tango classes, I’d feel totally out of my element. But he leads right along, fearless as ever, and soon other couples start to joinus.
“Well, did Sam talk your ear off?” heasks.
“It’s hard to talk to you with that beard on yourface.”
Jesse glares at me. “I’m not Jesse right now, Eric. I’m SantaClaus.”
I pull my hand away and put my finger over my lips, the way Sandy did to him earlier, and he bursts into laughter, though we keep moving with themusic.
“When are you going to take that thing off?” Iask.
“I was at least going to keep it on through tonight’sfun.”
“You said this ended beforeseven?”
