“You’re fighting now, and Ty needs younow. There’s no point in going back and trying to make anything that you’ve done right again. You did the best you could, and you didn’t even have a clue how seriously all that shit from back then was affecting you. I doubt you’re the first person who’s ever handled something like that thisway.”
“Taking notes fromTroy?”
“Taking notes from anyone and everyone who has anything worthsaying.”
“Well, I appreciate it,” he says, crawling up my body and kissingme.
“I think now’s the part where I encourage you to make sure you discuss this withTroy.”
He laughs. “I will. Therapy’s kind of funny like this, though. I’ve been there for years before this, but so long as you want to avoid something, you can find a way, and until you’re ready to face shit, you don’t have to. However, now that I am, feels like I’m in a house filled with closets, and each time I open one, this mess of junk comes spilling out and I have to clean it allup.”
“Well, I think we both know that the best way to clean a house like that is one closet at a time. At least you’re opening the closetsnow.”
His smile is subtle, but in it, I can feel his sincere appreciation of my words. “I love you,Jesse.”
“I love youtoo.”
“As much as we share those words, I hope you really understand what I’m telling you when I say them. I’ve never loved anyone more than you. I’ve never loved you more than I do now. And I keep falling harder and harder, and as messy as all the closets may be, it’s easier to clean them when I know you’re there, cheering meon.”
I place my hand against the side of his face, stroking my thumb through his scruff, enjoying that familiar sensation against myflesh.
“My closets may not be the same as yours, but you do the same for me,Eric.”
What begins as a soft peck on my lips quickly transforms into a deep, meaningful embrace, like we’re both trying to show one another through every movement, through every kiss, how much we love oneanother.
While I don’t believe we’ve ever been able to find words to adequately convey the depth of our feelings for one another, our bodies seem to compensate where words failus.
18
Eric
Although I inviteAunt Connie to Thanksgiving dinner with Jesse’s family, she’s already signed up for a food drive with her local church, so she has to pass. However, she promises to make it to attend Jesse’s fundraiser for the holidays, as well as Christmas dinner with the Morgans. The Saturday of Christmas Eve, I navigate my way through the crowd at the Infinite Energy Center, searching around the arena for myman.
It’s been a hectic day for him, I know. Hell, the past few weeks have been crazy. Between organizing the vendors and coordinating with the county winter festival and local shelters, Jesse’s had his hands full. I’ve done my best to step in and help out with any favors I could offer, but as is his way, Jesse takes pride in being able to take care of these thingshimself.
However, seeing the arena decked out as a winter wonderland with Christmas- and Hanukkah-themed activities and entertainers all around the place, it’s clear he’s outdone himself. He’s disappeared to change out of his sweat-soiled clothes. Meanwhile, I’ve been assisting as best as I can with catering and the DJ set-up.
The kids have started arriving, being bused in from the shelters by a service Jesse’s workedthrough.
This day’s forthem.
And I know, in many ways, for Jesse too, for the eleven-year-old he used to be — who wished for a day like this, who dreamed that someone would care enough to make Christmas special for him. He’s got all these kids could need. A viewing area so they can watch Christmas-themed movies, a dance floor to play popular Christmas music the kids can dance to, and plenty of stands packed with cookies andsnacks.
Befitting of the excellent parents they’ve always proven themselves to be, Stan and Charlotte are acting as ushers, greeting guests at the door, welcoming the staff from the shelter, and guiding them to the appropriate parts of thearena.
As with so many things with Jesse, when he first told me about it, I vastly underestimated the charity he put on. It’s been a massive undertaking he’s had to coordinate for the past few months, including his fundraising efforts to put all this together. While I’m not a fan of any amount of time I’m not spending with Jesse, for this, it’s so worth it…even just in seeing his eyes light up as he talks about the kids…the energy…thegoal.
The crowds fill the space, everyone playing their part, and as I meet with some of the other elf helpers in the room, we divvy out tasks before I get a text message from Jesse asking for my assistance. Seeing that all the volunteers have everything managed up to this point, I slip into the hallway, finding the back room Jesse directed me to in hismessage.
As I enter, Jesse stands before the mirror, dressed in red-and-white velvet, his belly padded, a beard hanging beneath his chin. His gaze shifts to me, and a grin sweeps across hisface.
He spins around tome.
“Hey, Daddy Santa,” I tell him, and he rushes to me, clamps his mouth down on mine, and pushes me back against thedoor.
I guess it’s been too long today, since my fingers greedily work their way around the stuffed padding. The soft velvet that acts as a cruel barrier between me and his flesh annoys the fuck out of me, and I wish I could tear it all off and just have my way with him righthere.
“You like Daddy Santa?” he asks with a snicker as he pulls away fromme.
