“I don’t think it can compare to what you’re dealingwith.”
“Eh, I have it kind of nice. You guys wronged me, so you basically have to be extra nice tome.”
We share a laugh, and he tugs me closer, like he wants to show me his support. “And you have to admit it was kind of funny seeing Mom try to keep her cool under the circumstances. But part of it is that she has a hard time passing judgment after what shedid.”
I check his expression—sadness in his eyes. “For not telling you about Ericsooner?”
He twists his lips up and nods. “Yeah. I love her to death, but she fucked up and she knows it. I gave her plenty of hell about it too, as you can imagine. Lots of fights. A lot of anger. But you can thank her and all that for me being kind of great about learning how to forgive.” I notice a tear in his eye as his gaze meets mine. “And how humble I am,” he adds as a joke, his voice crackingslightly.
“Are you okay,man?”
“Yeah, I had this crazy image in my head of us all: you, me, Eric, and Tricia, being able to get together and have dinner, without any beef. It’s too soon for that, but tonight gave me hope that we’re getting there. One big happy fucked-upfamily.”
As a car pulls up alongside us, Ty slides his phone out of his pocket and checks it. “Honda Civic. Guess this one’s mine, so come on. Let’s hug it out.” We do just that before he adds, “Okay, get back to Eric, and I’ll see you for flag football next week, okay? And I’ll probably message you about this girl I’m going on a date with nextFriday.”
“Why am I only now hearing aboutthis?”
He grins. “Ah, we’ve seen each other a few times, but we’ll see if anything comes ofit.”
I’m pleased he’s offered up even that much, though I’m surprised he hasn’t boasted about it any when we’ve been hanging with the guys. He heads to his Uber, but then turns back to me and waves. “One day we’re gonna look back and laugh at all this, Jesse. Just youwait.”
That I’m in a place where I can consider that he might be right about that grants me some ease on what has been a pretty damn stressfulevening.
8
Eric
Sitting in Troy’s office,on his new leather love seat across from his chair, I’m lounging on my side as wechat.
“And how are things with Jesse?” Troy asks, the way he does in most of my solosessions.
“Perfect. Is that too much maybe?” I laugh, but it’s funny because that’s how it seems. “My biggest complaint right now has to be that he can’t move in soonenough.”
“Doesn’t sound like a terrible stickingpoint.”
“The more time we spend with each other, the more aware I am of how annoyed I get without him. Maybe you can help me with this co-dependency I have forhim.”
“If I thought that was actually an issue for you, I might say we needed to work on that, but having worked with you privately, and with you and Jesse together as a couple, I can say that all I feel between the two of you is a lot of collaboration and teamwork. And he’s inspired you to want to get better, but the progress you’ve made, especially the more you’ve done the work, has clearly been for you and realizing that Jesse doesn’t need you to change to be withhim.”
That was definitely something I struggled with, especially right after we got together. There was this feeling of inadequacy, and I believed I needed to push myself for him. But these sessions have helped me center my work back on what this is really about: getting better forme.
He checks in about some of our recent work with Carolyn, which reminds me we have another fun exercise coming up. He asks, “Are you sticking to your previous Tuesdayschedule?”
“Yes.”
He had recommended we make a time for it and put it on our calendars to help me mentally prepare for them as well as keep me from being able to make an excuse to avoid it, something I have done in the past with a few of his or Carolyn’s recommendations. I’m getting better about not getting in my own way now,though.
As we reach the end of our session, Troy says, “Let’s see.” He assesses the information on his computer screen. “Been about six months since you first came to see me. We’re almost in October now, and I’m really impressed with the progress you’remaking.”
“Any homework for me?” I ask, recalling all the processes I’ve done up to this point, working my way through that encounter in mypast.
“Has anything come up that you’d like to talkabout?”
My thoughts shift back through everything we’ve been through. One element—one person in particular—comes to mind, but I push that aside. Some things, I’m not yet readyfor.
“Nothing off the top of myhead.”
Troy folds his hands together, pondering something. “Eric, I think we’re in a good place at the moment, so how about you do me a favor and make a list of the progress you’ve made since we started workingtogether?”
