I’m hoping that came off as casual, but he eyes me curiously. “So,wait…”
Here wego.
“…you’ve like, never been running around, just like being single andfree?”
That wasn’t at all where I thought he was going withthat…
“Not really, Iguess.”
“Wow. That’s crazy. It must be nice, but I can’t even imaginethat.”
“I’ve just stumbled into one relationship after another, which works for me. I wasn’t really into the single-and-free thing like my best friend, who revels init.”
I recall my brief stint when Ty was encouraging me to get out there and be wild and crazy, and I definitely can’t say I missthat.
“Easy for you, but the rest of us have to put in the work,” Sam says, returning his attention to his phone. “And be clever as shit in every goddamn message. Talk about work… I guess it could be worse. I could be trying to make small talk withJack…”
We share our delight at hisquip.
If tonight’s gonna be a thorn in my side, at least I have goodcompany.
4
Eric
“We’re doing theochoalready?”I ask as I struggle to keep up with the routine we’re learning in our Thursday evening tangolesson.
“Yup. That was the beat. It’s fine, it’sfine.”
Jesse’s trying to soothe me since he knows how I get when I misstep. However, I’m getting better. Instead of freezing up or hesitating as I did when we first began, I keep right along, pushing through. Despite the awkwardness of the next few steps, we manage to find our rhythm once again, easing our way back into the music and in sync with oneanother.
“There we go,” I note. “See? Look how good I’m doing. Hey, don’t laugh. You’re going to throw us offagain.”
“Oh, and we can’t have any of that,” he says in a playfully sterntone.
We continue in a circle with the rest of the dance partners, making our way around thestudio.
One of the couples, a husband and wife, steps toward the center of the room, something our instructor Raul encourages us to do when we need to slow down, to allow other partners to pass. May, the wife, scolds her husband, as she’s done several times since we started the class. Like several of the couples here, they’ve had their own issues they’ve had to work out to take on the dance challenge. Everyone’s had their moments, including some fussing that I can only imagine is an extension of what happens in the privacy of their homes. Tango involves a certain degree of trust with one’s partner, and as I learned the hard way, it activates so many of our own personal issues, those things we’ve stacked up throughout our lives. Carolyn, my Sex and Wellness coach, specializes in recovery from sexual trauma, and it was through her recommendation that Jesse and I started attending these classes. She assured me it was part of a larger solution to my particular issue—being triggered by anal stimulation, and really, by allowing anyone else to take charge in thebedroom.
It hasn’t been the easiest process, between the therapy sessions with Troy and Carolyn as well as the tango classes and homework Jesse and I share, but within the weeks I’ve been hitting this hard, working toward facing that demon within me, I’ve seen the progress, even in this class, where I notice I don’t freak out the way I might have earlyon.
Jesse and I manage a full loop around the room before I perform the ocho withhim.
“You boys are doing so well!” Bettie, a woman in the class, says as she and her partner, Cassandra, continue their routine behind us. They’ve had nearly as many difficult moments as Jesse and me. Bettie acknowledges she’s not the best dancer, but she and Cassandra were turned on to the idea of tango as part of their marriagecounseling.
“It was very impressive,” Jesse adds to her compliment. “Just likeyou.”
He offers a kiss, and my cheeks flush. “That was corny asfuck.”
“It was sweet!” Bettie callsout.
“But corny,” Cassandraadds.
“You like when I’m corny,” Jesse tellsme.
“Ilovewhen you’recorny.”
I laugh, kicking his foot, and damn, I fucked it up again. “Shit.”
