“We’re clearly operating off two very different definitions ofdate.”
“Fair enough. But according to me, just know we’re practically going steady at thispoint.”
He laughs. I’m kidding, yet I’m reallynot.
“Jokes aside,” he says, “I want to congratulate you again on getting that job. I wish we’d had more of a chance to celebrate it together…the way we initiallyplanned.”
He raises his glass, and I tap mine against it. There’s sort of an unspoken uneasiness that rises with his mention of not being able to celebrate me getting my job, considering the reason we were interrupted was because my best friend, his son, walked in and interrupted whatever the fuck we weredoing.
“About that,” I say. “I feel like the only responsible thing to do is to have a conversation about…that…the purple elephant in theroom.”
“Yeah,” he says, setting down his glass. “I was kind of hoping we could delay it as long as possible tonight, but considering what we did earlier, if there is a time to talk about it, it’snow.”
Since we’re on the same page, I decide to just go for it. “I don’t want to do anything that gets in the way of you and your son. I know you were talking about the issues you all have had, and I would be lying if I acted like I didn’t know anything about them beforehand, so I just want to make thatclear.”
“And I don’t want to mess up anything you and Ty have, because I know he values your friendship a lot, but at the same time, I recognize I like spending time with you, and I do want to see if this could lead to something else, if that’s what youwant.”
“I wouldn’t be here if Ididn’t.”
The right side of his lips curls upward like he’s as pleased with my response as I’m pleased withhis.
“Neither of us wants to hurt Ty,” I say, “but I think we both agree if there is something here, and it seems like there could be, it’s worth exploring. The question is: when is the best time to tellhim?”
“I would think,” Eric says, “not until we’re sure this is more thanfucking.”
“I think we’re already sure it’s more thanthat.”
“No, I agree. I’m sorry. That came out wrong. But more than us liking each other, we want to take this to another level thandating.”
“I agree with that. We both know we like each other, but we should have some time to get to know each other a little better, because that is a lot to put on Ty if we just say it and then nothing comes ofthis.”
“I just don’t want to drag it out to the point where he feels like he’s been deceived,” Eric pointsout.
“We’ve already passed that point. Even if we told him today, he’s going to feel lied to. I would just prefer that we tell him sooner rather thanlater.”
Ericnods.
“It sucks,” I say. “There’s no right answer, because it’d be a mistake to tell him now and then a week from today realize we’re on different wavelengths, go our separate ways, and do all this damage to our relationships with him fornothing.”
Even saying those words, imagining things not working out between us, is painful, but this conversation is about acknowledging the worst-case scenario. “At the same time,” I add, “if there is more, we’re all fucked, because how the fuck can anyone deal with the situation we’rein?”
“Yeah, it’s a bigmess.”
“I guess what I’m saying is, Eric, if you don’t want to do this because of what it would do to your relationship with Ty, I understand that, and we could just walk awaytonight.”
“Did you say my name to make it that much harder for me to walk away?” he asks, which makes me chuckle. Not sure if it was all that funny or because this is the most awkward conversation ever and my body is trying to shake off some of thetension.
“I don’t want to walk away,” Eric adds. “If I wanted to walk away, I would have done that already. I do know that I like you too much for that. You got me curious, Jesse…curious about who you are, what you like, your hobbies, interests. I want to find out more about you, and I want you to know more about me. Hell, in a very short amount of time, I’ve opened up with you a lot more than I ever have with a lot of people. I know it might not seem like alot—”
“It does,” I interrupt quickly. “I don’t want you to think I don’t see that, and I’ve appreciated everything you’ve talked with meabout.”
“But,” Eric continues, “I think the other issue we have to deal with is the fact that it’s not exactly going to be a normal dating situation. I don’t figure we can go running around town to see movies together and potentially risk getting caught by Ty or one of your mutualfriends.”
“I agree. I think that would be amistake.”
“And as exciting as I’m sure it sounds to have dinner here every night for a while, I don’t think we have many otheroptions.”
“It’s not a bad option, considering all the things we could do here. I mean, at the very least, we can enjoy fucking, hopefully over, and over, and overagain.”
