I lean back, pulling away from him so quickly that it’s clear I catch him off guard. His mouth is still open as he awaits another kiss from me, but when I don’t kiss him, he opens hiseyes.
Once again, I find myself scanning his face: that soft jawline, the dip in his chin, the creases of his dimples, the curves of his nose…and those eyes—those eyes that leave me wondering how those could have looked at any other human without them having wanted to adopthim.
I see that same kid I envisioned when we were eatinglunch.
I can feel that pain of when he sounded rejected andunwanted.
I hate the world for ever having made him feel that way, and I want to be the one to remind him of just how much a person can wanthim.
It’s not only his body I want either. I see so much more than that, the man he is, and I’m glad we had a chance to talk at lunch, because now that I’ve gotten to see a glimpse of who he is beyond the chemistry we share, it just leaves me all the more aroused by him…all the more curious to discover even more abouthim.
I want him to see I care, tofeelI care. I kiss him once more, muchsofter.
“I don’t want to rush this,” I tellhim.
He smiles before saying, “Oh, is this the sweet side ofyou?”
“As sweet as I can manage.” I roll off him, and he moves onto his side to face me. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with taking this nextstep.”
“Well, you certainly weren’t taking this kind of caution with me the other day,” he pointsout.
“The other day I didn’t know you’d never done this before. I mean, hell, I assumed you were anexpert.”
“An expert?Really?”
“You almost took it like anexpert.”
He tucks his head to his chest, his eyes meeting mine as his cheeks turn red. I consider teasing him for a moment, but I don’t want to make him feel like I’m judging him, or picking on him, or doing anything other than desiringhim.
“I didn’t realize how in over my head I was until it was too late. Got so caught up in everything,” heexplains.
“You can say it,” I tell him. “Inme.”
“Well, technically, it was going to beinme,” he points out, and he smilesagain.
“You really do have one of the prettiest smiles I’ve everseen.”
“Relax. You don’t have to compliment me. I’m already going to let you have your way with me.” His gaze drifts down to themattress.
“What is it?” I ask. “I can tell you’re thinking aboutsomething.”
“It’s just weird. I never figured I would end up in a situation like this. I’ve been with a few girls who were virgins, and…I don’t know, I’m kind of wondering if this is how they werefeeling.”
“You were a virgin at onepoint.”
“Yes, but you know what I mean. I figure it’s different having a guy’s dick inyou.”
“It’s similar to the fingers, but a little bitmore.”
Jesse rolls his eyes. “Okay, I know that isn’t true. I guess I’m a little nervous about what it’ll feel like. It felt great when your fingers were in there, but that”—he glances down at my crotch—“that’s a little more than I’m used to working with, than I’ve ever worked with. It does hurt a little, even with your fingers, so Imean…”
“I’ll have to go slow, then, I guess. If you still even want to do anything, thatis.”
“I do want to. I’m being honest about what I’mfeeling.”
“I want you to be honest about that.” I reach over to him, run my thumb down between his pecs to his abdomen, stopping at his navel. “Jesse, I want you to tell me, work with me, because I really do want you to have a good time, and if at any point you get uncomfortable, or want to stop, you tell me and it ends, and we don’t have to even think about it. Not going to pressure you into taking things further than you wantto.”
Hesnickers.
