Feels strange that after a revelation like that, we still have to jump back into our lives. That it can’t just be the two of us, figuring this outtogether.
Monday morning I’m back at my job, texting Eric about how his day is. We’re going about, pretending like this weekend didn’t happen, making plans for Wednesday when Ty returns home. Eric’s set up a time for him to come by hisplace.
The next day passes with us keeping this secret between ourselves. I can’t tell if it’s uneasy because of Ty or because of what Eric knows he can’t tell me. I guess it has to beboth.
Before we know it, though, it’s Wednesday evening, and we’re sitting together side by side on Eric’s couch, separated by nearly a foot of space. This is the most distance we’ve shared in some time, but this situation is so fuckedup.
Who would’ve thought that when I first set eyes on Eric, when I found myself so attracted to him, that it would come to this point where we worked so hard, spent so much time together to get to know one another, and how could I have possibly known that the person I was getting to know would be so incredible, someone I would want to know so much more about. After what I’ve learned about him most recently—the pain, the hurt—all I want to do is find a way to help him with that, even as he keeps me at arm’slength.
He rubs his right hand up and down his thighuneasily.
I check my phone onceagain.
It’s five minutes past seven, the time when Ty was supposed to get here so that we could break the news to him. So that we can finally be free of thissecret.
Neither of us is expecting it to go well. How can it? If I were in Ty’s position, I sure as fuck wouldn’t be excited that my friend and the father I’d been estranged from are getting it on behind myback.
It has to be done, though. It’s the only thing that’s right. We’ve come too far and I want Eric too much to let it be a secret anymore, to let it haunt me the way it’s been hauntingme.
I snatch Eric’s right hand, stilling it, squeezing gently, and he turns to me. His tension relaxes ever soslightly.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. I know it’s not appropriate for me to apologize when we both got ourselves into this, but I hate knowing I could be the reason why Eric’s relationship with Tyworsens.
As I curl my fingers under his, he squeezes gentlyback.
Despite the distance I’ve felt from him, I want to believe we can get back to the fun and frisky relationship we were building. I want to believe we can get back to Eric being the wonderful man I know heis.
“We got in this together,” he says. “But I appreciate how much youcare.”
I can feel the sincerity in his words, which brings me somerelief.
We wait a little longer in unbearable silence,suspense.
I’m replaying the potential showdown over and over again in my mind, wondering how Ty will respond to the news, how hurt he’ll be. As hard as it will be to deal with the consequences of our actions, I know it’ll feel a lot better when it’s out in theopen.
A knock at thedoor.
It’s him. The time hascome.
Eric releases my hand and hops up, heading for the door, seemingly not even second-guessing if he should open it or if he should give us another moment, another second, to enjoythis.
He stops right before the door and turns to me. I nod to encourage him. I feel like we need to reassure one another that what we’re doing is right. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, seemingly for strength, and then opens thedoor.
Ty looks at him, smiles, and says, “Hey, man, how’s it going?” There’s an innocence in his expression, a lightness abouthim.
It’s one of the few times I’ve seen him and his father get together, and I can see in Ty’s eyes what I know Eric can’t see. It’s that desire to break through the tensions that still exist between them, that desire to know his father better. In that moment, I regret so much being here because I know I am going to stand in the way of that. I wish I could disappear, but I can’t tell if it’s just selfish because I don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of this conversation, or if it’s genuinely because I want what’s best for Ty and Eric’s relationship, because I know how much that matters to both ofthem.
It’s too late,though.
Ty starts in, pushing past Eric. “So where do you want to go for dinner? I’m starving.” His eyes settle on me, his head tilting slightly. “Jesse,” he says, smiling like he’s happy to see his friend. He looks between us like there might be some surprise behind it all, as if we’re going to reveal that he has some special birthday present from us. “That’s weird. Is this an intervention?” He chuckles as his eyes continue to shift betweenus.
Eric steps into the room, his head hanging low, clearlyashamed.
Ty seems to pick up on what’s going on by the change in his expression from playful to wildly uncomfortable, his gaze shifting about, no longer looking at either ofus.
“Is everyone going to keep quiet, or is someone going to tell me what’s actually goingon?”
I push to my feet, if only because there’s so much adrenaline racing through me that I can’t helpit.
