This is the first time we’ve talked since I left, but his calling puts to rest those doubts in my mind about how Jesse feels about whathappened.
It’s adorable that he called, and I’m glad he did. It gives me hope. Hope that I need to believe this isn’t all just in my head. Although, considering how much I’ve done in my life—hooked up with guys, developed feelings for them—I know that what I feel for Jesse is different than just lust. It started out that way, but it escalated very quickly. That’s why Allison was able to pick up onit.
I’m interested in getting to know more about him. I’m more interested than I would be with a casual hookup, because if I wasn’t, I sure as fuck wouldn’t be talking to him right now, putting my relationship with my son at risk even more than it alreadyis.
“I miss your face,” I tell him, showing my ownhand.
“Where areyou?”
“In SanDiego.”
“That’s so far away. You think you might be heading to your place in Atlanta anytimesoon?”
There’s despair in his tone. I feel like we’re both giving away too much with how we’re acting, and I don’tcare.
“I was planning on maybe having a trip out there next week,” I confess. “You know I can work from anywhere, so I might spend a little time down south. There’s someone I know who might be able to keep me company…downsouth.”
He snickers, emitting a low, almost-growlingsound.
“I’mcertainhe would like to keep youcompany.”
His voice drips with charisma and charm, even more so than usual. I think it’s because he’s real good at sounding seductive after he’s had a couple ofmargaritas.
“You were talking about me, right?” His words more serious than before. So much so that I start laughing, and he asks, “What? I asked a seriousquestion.”
“I think that’s really cute that you think I’d be talking about some otherguy.”
“I really wanna see you again, and I think it’d be nice if you did wind up in Atlanta, but I also understand if you end up changing your mind because of what we talked about. I don’t wanna hurt your relationship withTy.”
“Funny, I feel the same way with you as his friend, but the fact that we’re talking right now makes me think we’ve both passed the point of no returnhere.”
“Yeah,” Jesse says. “If I’m being totally honest, if you said no, I’d be kind of pissed.” He’s quiet a bit before adding, “I wanna keep talking to you, but I’m pretty sure I’m about to passout.”
“Okay, then geton.
“I’ll call you when I get into town, and we’ll figure somethingout.”
“I’d really likethat.”
“Okay,night.”
“Goodnight.”
I don’t want to hang up, but I force myselfto.
What are wedoing?
It hasn’t even been more than a week, and I feel like I’m already in too deep. Where is this all going to lead? Will it even work out? And what if it did? What would that mean for me and Ty? For Jesse andTy?
So many questions, but I have been asking them all since this first began, and clearly, they won’t stopme.
This is something I’m going to have to go along with and play by ear. Something in my gut, something I trust, tells me that wrong as it feels, for so many goddamn reasons, there’s something so fucking right aboutit.
33
Jesse
Afew weekshave passed since I last saw Eric in PuertoVallarta.
