I enjoy that it wasn’t a question—that he’spressing.
“Oh, dinner. My, my. Isn’t this progressing fast?” I teasehim.
“Well, I mean, we basically went on a date thisafternoon.”
“That wasn’t a date,” Iinsist.
“It was fairly date-y.”
He’s not wrong, and I had that thought myself earlier, especially when we were sitting there, opening up to one another the way people do on a date. But still, I feel like it would be wrong to say that’s what it was when I had no intention of going on a date with him. Although, after what just happened, after how he pushed his way through all my fucked-up shit, I wouldn’t mind a date withhim.
“I don’t know that we can call it a date,” I tell him. “I think that implies things can go further, and that there’s some interest in it becoming something more than a date, which, considering our situation with my son and your friend, we both know that’s notpossible.”
He scrunches up his face. “A date means I like you and I want to get to know you. That’s what we had earlier, so technically, what’s the difference? Let’s not splithairs.”
He’s trying to make like it’s not a big deal, but it is, and really, I want to get to know him better, this guy I found who’s constantly impressingme.
He wraps his arms around me before forcing pressure on my shoulder, pushing me down onto my back, and straddling me, taking control of the situation in a way that’s hot as fuck. If ever there was someone I’d want to share something like that with, it would be someone like Jesse. But even entertaining the thought isn’t worth my time, since I know from my own experience, it’s not possible for me—that it’s too painful, too difficult. I’ve tried in the past, and I’m not willing to try again. I’ve been hurt too badly, and I won’t be left with that awful feelingagain.
But I can enjoy this much—being beneath him, looking up at this boy who’s so strong and confident in this moment. Yet I have seen and understand those parts of him that are vulnerable, likemyself.
He leans down and kisses me softly. “Come on,” he whispers against my lips. “Let me take youout.”
It’s such an innocent comment that makes me feel almost like a kid, like I can forget about all the serious things weighing me down, weighing us down. I want to lose myself to this experience, especially being so far removed from my life, so far away from anything serious. In many ways, being here with Jesse is a fantasy, some dream I’m having, and when I return home, whenwereturn home, it’ll be like wakingup.
“Well, Mr. Morgan,” I say, “I think I’m eager to take you up on this offer for a date, keeping in mind that I’ll bepaying.”
He shakes his head. “No. I’ll bepaying.”
“We can splitit.”
He shakes his head again. “Nothappening.”
“We’ll see about that. Now I do have a little bit of work I have to catch up on,” I tellhim.
“That’s cool. Say, seven-ish, I’ll pick youup?”
I laugh. So funny to think how tense I was when he knocked on my door, how on edge, how ready I was to be defensive of my actions, and how now I just want to go out and have a good time with him. It’s amazing what that friendly expression of his can do to me. Not that the Xanaxhurts.
“Yeah. You can pick me up then, Mr. SmoothOperator.”
He winks. “That’s what I wanted to hear,” he says before licking my lips—such a dominating move that only turns me onmore.
Thinking maybe we could go again, I’m kind of bummed when he heads toward the door. He turns back around, offering a warm smile surrounded by his reddened face that I’m actually concernedabout.
“See you in a few,” he says before closing the door behindhim.
I’m alone in the room again, and yet I feel revitalized. I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into and I don’t care, because right now I’m so lucky to have this excitement surging within me, not just about Jesse, but life. This renewal, this eagerness, like a fucking teenager, about what we’re going to dotonight.
And the fact that I’ll be doing it withJesse.
27
Jesse
We takeseats across from one another at a small table on the beach, a few yards from the shore. The sun drops in the distance as sunsetnears.
In a short-sleeved button-up with the top buttons undone to reveal the slightest amount of chest hair, Eric settles in the chair across from me, his bangs catching in thewind.
