“Well, it’s very impressive. I’m sure your place in Atlanta looks fabulous. And your place in SanDiego.”
Even though he’s still acting playful, I can tell there’s some judgment, which I understand. It’s not like any of that could becheap.
“Okay, okay. I get where this is going,” I say. “I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I’m not ashamed ofthat.”
“Chill out. I’m busting your balls. I mean, you do make a lot ofmoney.”
“I don’t imagine you’re doing all that bad foryourself.”
“Me? I’m unemployed.” He offers that cheeky grin of his before adding, “It’s really not a big deal. I was just ragging on you. Didn’t realize I hit anerve.”
Jesse grabs a bottle of liquid soap from a nook in the wall and spreads some across his hand. He holds the soap bottle out, offering it to me, and I take it. As we lather up with soap suds, I tell him, “Sorry, I get weird having conversations about money. I think people typically assume that because I have these things, I’m some sort of privileged prick, but those aren’t the circumstances I was born into. I assume you’ve met Ty’s mom,Tricia?”
“Oh yeah, a few times. She’s verynice.”
“She always had money. She never really knew life without it. I never had that. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of lucky breaks to get here, and sometimes people will see something I own, something I’ve earned, and make a quick judgment aboutme.”
“I have to admit I can definitely be put in that category,” Jesse says. “Especially with how Ty acts. He never seems exactly appreciative about his circumstances. I mean, he had it kind of easy growing up, and I guess I figured you were probably cut from the same cloth. Don’t take that the wrong way. You’ve definitely proven me wrong, and I’m glad I know you betternow.”
“I’m glad I know you bettertoo.”
I wrap an arm around him and pull him close, taking his mouth with mine. As I pull away, he sizes me up before asking, “So what were things like for you growing up, then, if you don’t mind measking.”
I didn’t mean to start down this path. I just didn’t want him to think I was some dickbag tycoon, but I can tell my defensiveness has only amplified Jesse’scuriosity.
And after what we shared, there’s a part of me that wants to open up. I want him to know more about me. It’s strange as fuck because, with most people, opening up is the last thing in the world I want to do, but there’s something about Jesse—the way he catches me off guard—that tears right through my defenses and makes me want to break through barriers I’ve spent years of my life buildingup.
“Just a father who didn’t have much faith in me, who cared a little bit more about racing toward his own destruction than he did about raising a child.” He looks at me like he’s expecting me to go on, but I’m not interested in saying more than that. I shake my head. “Sorry,” I say, stepping back to pull him more under the showerhead so he’s in the stream of water. “Didn’t mean to hog all thewater.”
He chuckles, but then his expression turns serious. He looks at me like he’s trying to figure something out, like he’s trying to read more into what I said, and I almost wish I hadn’t mentioned it. At the same time, there’s something cathartic about talking to him, like sharing something I’ve never shared with anyone else but mytherapist.
There’s a relief in knowing I’m not carrying it all on myown.
Between what I just said and the expression he’s making, I feel like there’s no easy way out of this, and so I kiss him again. Just enjoying that. I start fondling him, and he does the same withme.
Once again, we lose ourselves in themoment.
19
Jesse
Ihopon the surfboard and ride it all the wayin.
With my arms stretched out at my sides, I feel like I’m soaring through the air. It’s a moment where I don’t feel like a total klutz, which really, surfing has made me feel like—I’ve fallen off the board so much since Eric started showing me how to surf. Of course, I’m only able to maintain my balance for a few more moments before I fall to my side. When I pop back up in the water, Eric’s on the shore, applauding myefforts.
“That was good, really good,” he calls out, his pearly white smile sparkling in thesunlight.
The way he carries himself, this natural confidence he exudes, tells me he’s sure of who he is. I could have said that just from what we shared in the bedroom. At the same time, there’s something else there too. Something I saw when we were showering together—a vulnerability. He opened up to me, only a little, but enough to let me know there’s much more to Eric than I realized…layers I’m curious about, that are more than this scorching fire we ignite when our bodiestouch.
I grab the board and approach Eric, who runs his hand through his dark locks, which are already slicked back, sparkling like his teeth in thelight.
“Well, you’re almost there,” he says. “A little more time and practice, and you’ll have the hang ofit.”
“Suddenly I don’t feel like we’re talking about surfinganymore.”
The words come out as a joke, but I’m not kidding. Fucking around in the bedroom was just the tip of the iceberg. And now that we have time to experiment, for him to show me exactly what I’ve been missing all these years, I’m eager to explore, and who better to explore this with thanEric?
The things he does to me…the way he can get me so worked up…Godfuckingdammit, it’s like a drug, and even after we showered up, I wanted to suggest we go again. However, when he suggested the beach, I figured a good fuck-break was inorder.
