“You knew how I felt about you, and I thought I knew how you felt about me.”
The tears from Dedrus’s eyes rushed down his cheeks, catching in his prickly beard. “You should have said something back then.”
“What? That I knew you were fucking Ryson behind my back?”
“They moved me to another troop.”
“Honestly, you didn’t do anything wrong. We’d never talked about any sort of commitment. And when I found out about him, I just assumed I knew why. You didn’t want to commit to me. If that was the case, I wasn’t gonna waste the rest of my life.”
“Is that what you think it would have been? A waste?”
Not a waste. A tragedy. He knew that when he discovered that Dedrus didn’t love him back, he’d be devastated, and he feared that he wouldn’t be able to handle it.
“I thought I needed to move on.”
“Well, I’m glad one of us could.”
“You’re so full of shit. You’re a fucking liar.”
“A liar?”
“Acting like you weresointo me back then. Playing like you didn’t know what I was talking about when I brought up Ryson. This whole ‘woe is me’ shit right now.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dedrus hurried past Kinzer and scooped his jeans and shirt off the floor. He slipped into the jeans, pulling them up his legs.
“I wanted to be with you,” Kinzer said.
“I wanted to be with you, too, you fucking idiot!” The waves of his hair bobbed over his shoulders as he shouted. He buttoned the top button of his jeans and headed for the door.
Kinzer grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
“Admit it! You didn’t want me until I was with Janka, because you were jealous. Suddenly, I mattered because I was with someone else who mattered.”
“You’re insane.” Dedrus yanked his arm from Kinzer’s grip.
He walked to the door, set his hand on the knob, and froze. He wiped his hand across his face, freeing a tear that had settled in his scruff.
“Why?” Dedrus asked.
“Whywhat?”
“You could have told me this back then. You could have confronted me, and I would have told you how much I loved you. How much I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with you. How much that didn’t even matter.”
Kinzer’s rage settled. He didn’t know if what Dedrus was saying was true, but it evoked honesty from him. “I loved you. I thought you were different than all the others. When you went away, I didn’t see anyone else. I didn’t do anything…for a long time. Not because I had to stop myself. Because I couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than you. When I heard about Ryson, I knew you’d never feel for me the way I felt for you.”
Dedrus’s gaze softened as he scanned Kinzer. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped himself.
He opened the door and stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
Kinzer’s thoughts went wild.
What if Dedrus really had loved him? What if, all this time, he’d made such a big deal out nothing?
He returned to the couch, collapsing onto his face. The fabric scratched at his arms as tears collected on the cushion.
