“I’m sorry. I figured it would just confuse the situation.”
“Oh, it was clearly already confused. Chase, what were you thinking?”
“Emery, I do care about Mason.”
Tears shifted in her eyes. She set the papers down on the table beside the door and approached him. “If you cared about him, then you would have left him alone. I invited you here because you’re my friend. I was always very good about not mentioning what he was going through to you because that wasn’t my place. But do you have any idea how hard it was to watch my brother suffer after you left him? You know how hard it was to see him go from being this outgoing, playful guy to seeing him pushing, struggling, fighting his way through every day? You tore out his heart. You’re like a brother to me, too, but I thought you were at least aware enough to know that there was a line you couldn’t cross. And leading him on like this…? God, here I was just happy that you guys had made up after all these years, and of course it went through my mind, but I thought, surely even if he wanted that, you wouldn’t put him through that again. But now as I think about it, he was acting so excited and playful and full of life. And here I am, the idiot thinking he was happy to have his friend back, but all this time, it’s just because you’ve been giving him hope that you could mend things.”
“No. It’s not like that.”
“Oh, really?” Emery bowed her head, remaining silent—lost in thought—before looking back up at him, her expression filled with disappointment. “I don’t know what you guys are doing,” she told him, “but did you really think, after everything you’ve been through together, and everything you shared, Mason could just walk away… or worse, watch you walk away again?”
“Emery,” Pa said.
“No, Pa. Not right now. This was too far, Chase. I can’t lose my brother all over again. You weren’t here when he was at his worst. I had to watch him the day it was over, and I’ve only seen that look in his eyes one time before. And that was when we lost Ma.”
Chase was horrorstruck because he knew what that looked like.
He knew just how devastated Mason had been when his ma had passed—which he had every right to be. But never would he have even considered that Mason could have been that upset about losing him, and the terror of knowing that he had put Mason through that much pain cut him to his core. And just as terrible, Chase hadn’t considered how much he had hurt Emery and Pa as they had to watch Mason in his grief—a grief that clearly had reminded them of losing Ma all over again.
To know he was responsible for hurting their family so much weighed on him, painfully so. And watching the tears run down Emery’s face as she stood before him only made him feel even worse.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Chase asked.
“I shouldn’t have had to,” she said. “I’m so disappointed in you. Not just as Mason’s sister, but as your friend. I need time to think about this. All of this.” She headed for the door. As she grabbed the papers, she added, “Pa, can you tell Jasper I won’t be at dinner?”
She didn’t wait for an answer. She just left with Chase standing before Pa feeling like a horrible bastard. He figured she would have been upset about them keeping their secret, not about hurting Mason—and their family.
She didn’t just reinforce the insecurities and fears he already had about trying to make things work with Mason again. She’d made him realize how devastating another breakup could have been, especially if it played out like it had back then—with the fighting, the anger, and the hurt.
He never meant to hurt Mason or Emery or Pa. He was just so fucking selfish. He wanted to be with Mason so much, and once again, he was reminded of the consequences of what would happen if they couldn’t find a way. A part of him wanted to believe they could, but another part of him remembered how much they wanted it when they were in college, and how cruel it would be to do that to him and to the Finleys once again.
“You okay, Chase?” Pa asked.
Chase shook his head.
“She’s right, though.”
“I know she is.”
Chase could see the disapproval in Pa’s expression, and he knew he deserved it. “Come here. You’re like a son to me, always know that. I love you, and I just want what’s best for both of you.” He hugged Chase.
“I know, Pa.”
Emery was right. He had to stop what they were doing. They’d gone too far, and there wasn’t any more of a solution in sight in that moment than there had been back then. They’d just been kidding themselves the same way they had when they were in college.
MASON ANDCHASE STOOD BESIDEMERCY’S STALL IN THEstable.
A wisp of wind broke through the cold silence that stretched between them.
Chase folded his arms like he was trying to keep warm despite the chill that had turned his cheeks pink.
There’d been an awkwardness between them since Chase had started college three years earlier, but there was that distance, and Mason hated that he was gone more than he thought he would be. Just as bad, he hated the fighting.
He felt like Chase never understood how much he wanted him back.
But then the silence continued to stretch out. Mason wondered who they had become.
“Mase,” Chase muttered.
