She didn’t want him to worry, but it was too late for that.
As much as everyone knew she had to undergo chemotherapy if there was any hope for her surviving, it was devastating having to watch the powerhouse that Ma once was being reduced to the frail woman who sat at his side.
“Hey, Ma. How’re you feeling?” He forced a smile, but he couldn’t do more than that. He could tell by the shift in her expression, one filled with disappointment, that she knew she couldn’t fool him.
She shouldn’t have had to feel bad.
She hadn’t done anything wrong. And even though he wasn’t mad at her, he knew Ma would feel responsible for everything that was happening, like she was bringing the family down.
She glanced between Mason and Chase. “Thank you both for being here. It’s beautiful seeing how much you care about each other. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you. Don’t ever let anyone cut off that magic.”
The way she said it, Mason could hear the despair in her voice. It was a feeling they all had that one of those days might have been her last, because the chemo and radiation had been so hard on her body, and the surgeries had already left her so weak even before that.
“I won’t, Ma,” Mason replied.
“No, you listen to me, Mason. Listen good, because I need you to know. I won’t be able to rest knowing that you think I see anything about you two other than beauty. What you have is something that most people don’t find in a lifetime, and I know you can’t know that, but you need to.”
“Thank you, Ma.”
Chase turned to her, pulling his attention from Emery, and Ma’s eyes met his.
“Chase, you’re a bright kid. And I need you to promise me you’ll take advantage of that. That you’ll use that brain of yours and won’t let anything hold you back.”
“I won’t.”
Mason could see the devastation in Chase’s eyes, which surely looked so similar to his in that moment.
Neither had wanted to witness her slow decline over the years, but no amount of wishing things were different could change their reality. If it could have, Mason’s prayers would have been answered. But it was clear they fell upon deaf ears.
“Make sure you take care of your family, Mason,” she said, her attention returning to him. “Make sure you love them and care for everyone. Be good to them… if anything happens. Nothing can tear this family apart, do you understand me? I can’t leave here thinking that anything will ever tear my family apart. Not even this.”
“Ma, there’s no reason to talk like that. Everything’s going to be fine. You got that? You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“I know it is, Mason. Just let me have this moment, okay?”
“Sure, Ma.”
The doctors said the treatments would help, but it only seemed to be making her sicker and sicker.
She wasn’t the woman he had known growing up, the powerful woman who had come in and taken charge so easily.
She was a shell of that self.
She was empty compared to who she was, and he hardly recognized her as she looked at him with weary, tired, and defeated eyes.
When Pa returned, looking as tired and worn out as Ma, Mason took his chance to escape. He couldn’t stand to be around the remnants of what his family once was. He was supposed to be strong for them. Ma needed him to be strong. He’d tried as hard as he could to be just that the past three years, but every time things were supposed to get better, they only got worse.
“I’m gonna go to the restroom,” Mason said, speeding past Pa, who sat down in the same chair he sat in every time they went for Ma’s chemo rounds. He hurried into the hallway and into the men’s restroom.
It was empty, and he was so happy that no one else was there because he needed to break down. He needed a minute to himself so that he could unleash all his pain and anger and hurt. He headed into the handicapped stall and bashed his fist against the wall, stifling any other noise so that he wouldn’t draw attention if someone was walking by outside.
He heard the door swing open and turned around sharply as Chase stepped inside. He wasn’t the kid who he’d met on the playground. He was much more mature, with stubble across his face. His hair was combed to the side, and he wore nicer clothes than when they had met—clothes Ma had bought for him.
“Mase?”
Mason didn’t move. He just stood there, exhausted. As much as he loved Chase, as much as he knew Chase felt the same, he wanted to be alone. “I need a second.”
“Mase, please.” He didn’t obey Mason’s request and approached him anyway.
