“How dare you say that? I was never miserable on the dairy, and this is just the life that I happened into. Do I like nice clothes? Yes, I like anything that’s better than the rags I grew up having to wear. Because Mom couldn’t fucking spare any of the cash she wanted to spend on blow on something nice for me to wear. Do I like living in a nice place? Yes, because it’s better than the shitty house I lived in where I was stepping over my stepfather’s vomit every day. And was I into Roger? Yes. He certainly wasn’t acting like that douche you met tonight when he was trying to get into my pants. But to make this big deal about a few things, to act like that’s all there is to me, or like I’m an asshole just because of it, that’s not fair.”
Mason was silent as he seemed to consider Chase’s words. “You fucking don’t get this at all. I’m not mad because I think you’re an asshole now. I’m mad because I look around at your life, and see that it’s very different than any life I would have imagined you having. And in some ways, it does make me question how the man you are now could still want me. Still want to be with some redneck trash with a beat-up pickup truck and an old pair of shoes.”
Chase had been so defensive because he’d felt like Mason had been judging him, when really, he’d just been insecure about how he could fit into his world.
Chase stepped toward him. “It’s still me, Mason. I’m still the guy you fell in love with. Can you not see that guy when you look at me?”
Because Chase wanted him to see that guy so much. In so many ways, he was still that kid who wanted Mason’s affection, his appreciation, his approval.
Mason gazed into his eyes, then scanned his face.
“Am I really so different?” Chase asked.
Mason shook his head. “No. You’re not.”
He put his hand to Chase’s face. He felt that body heat that he’d felt so many nights, and he didn’t just want it on his face. He wanted it all over his body.
Mason’s touch tore through Chase’s defenses—the insecurities and worries that he had about them. It was like that first time they’d fucked in over a decade. He was vulnerable. Open. And he had hope.
“I love those old boots you wear and your ripped jeans and cowboy hat,” Chase told him. “And there’s not a car in the world I could buy that would ever make me look as sexy as you do riding around in that beat-up truck. No matter what you might think because of what I like, I don’t care about stuff like that. I care about you. I always have. More than I should even tell you. I’m falling in love with you all over again. Because of the man you’ve become… the man you are.”
“I never stopped loving you, Chase. I don’t know that I could if I tried.”
Mason kissed him, and it was confirmation of those things that he’d been feeling, validation that their chemistry—their connection—was all real.
Mason wrapped his arms around Chase and pressed him up against his body. It felt so good that Chase couldn’t bear the thought of him being stripped of Mason again and not having him in his life.
He pushed off his chest. “But, Mason, how are we going to do this?”
“We don’t have to figure it all out tonight. We can’t. Just don’t push me away again. Don’t shake it off like you did all those years ago. Please. I can’t be without you again.”
“I don’t want to, either. But every time I try to imagine what kind of future we could have, I don’t know—”
“Then stop trying to figure it out and just go with this. Trust in this. Trust inus.”
For the first time in a long time, Chase was willing to believe that was enough because that’s how bad he wanted to be with his Mason.
“Can you do that?” Mason asked.
“I can try.”
Mason pressed his lips back against Chase’s, and Chase let all his fears dissolve as he lost himself in the feeling of Mason against him like that, and the release of all his attempts at trying to make sense of what they were… and what he wanted them to be.
When they finally pulled away from each other, Mason stroked his hand down Chase’s face. “Let’s go back to your place, okay? I’m tired of fussing about clothes. I’d rather just get rid of them altogether.”
Excitement raced through Chase.
They didn’t have it all figured out. Hell, they didn’t have anything figured out, but maybe they didn’t need to.
CHASE WAS THRILLED EVERY DAY THAT HE GOT TO SPEND ATthe Finleys’ dairy.
It wasn’t just spending time with Mason—although, that would have been enough of a reason. It was that he got to spend time with Ma and Pa, which he’d come to call them after four years of working there. He was in the ninth grade and happy that they always made him feel like he was a part of their family. He cherished the times when he would be inside just chatting with them or working with Mason on his math homework, something he’d gotten a lot better at to the point that he was getting A’s on all his tests. He figured the reason was that, at least in part, whenever he got a problem right, Chase rewarded him with a kiss.
Admittedly, Chase had snuck a few kisses in even when Mason got the problem wrong because he had to be encouraged as much as Mason did.
Mason and Chase worked in the stable stalls, tending to the daily routines. They washed Dana down together, and as Mason walked around to the other side of her, he glanced up at Chase, that smile spreading across his face, one that always excited Mason so much. It filled him with eagerness and exhilaration and made him happy to think that he got to spend all that time with someone he liked to be around so much.
Mason put down his brush and walked around Dana, a look of desire in his eyes, one that Chase couldn’t deny.
