“Speaking of the dairy, I have to look over some stuff for Pa. I handle all the books now. You know, the stuff you left me with?”
Chase laughed. “Oh, God, you and spreadsheets get along now? See! More things I don’t know.”
“I was tired of letting some accountant handle it all. Figured we weren’t saving as much as we could by me just doing it on my own.”
“The kid who couldn’t even learn to divide fractions is handling accounting on the farm? Wow.”
“Well, I had a good teacher. A great teacher. The best.”
“Oh my God. Whatever. I hardly did anything.”
“I don’t think you realize how much you helped me with math, not only when we were kids, but over the years… with every homework assignment. You were always willing to help me out. Always there to answer my questions. I’ve had to figure out how to answer my own questions now.”
Chase wished he could have said Mason was always free to ask him about things like that, but he knew that wasn’t really true.
“See?” Chase said. “You’re really running the dairy now.”
“Whatever. Look at how I stepped away from it. I can leave anytime I want.”
“We both know that’s not true. Even you were saying that Pa is going to have to step away soon, and it’s all going to be on you.”
Mason’s expression shifted to concern, as though he was considering the prospect. Not just considering it, but dreading it. “Yeah, right.”
“Why do you act so worried about it? You’re going to do an amazing job.”
“It’s just intimidating as fuck. And you know Pa, he doesn’t really give me many opportunities to get in there and learn the ropes.”
“Well, you’re all a bunch of stubborn fucks in that house. You just push more like you had to back in the day. You can do it. I know you can.”
“Thank you. You’ve always believed in me, even when I haven’t. And you’ve been there through a lot of shit in my life. Through Ma…”
Chase turned his head into the mattress, his eyes watering.
Mason slid his hand between the sheet and Chase’s cheek and turned him back to him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s not bad. It’s just… sometimes I look at where I’ve ended up, and I wonder… God, it’s so stupid.”
“What?”
“If I’d make her proud?” The tears streamed down his face. “God-fucking-dammit.”
Mason wiped Chase’s tears with his thumb. “That’s not stupid. I understand. You’re working your ass off at a job you love, at a job that uses all that genius I know is in there. She would see that. She wouldlovethat.”
“She just expected a lot out of me,” Chase said. “More than I ever expected from myself, and it encouraged me and pushed me through school… and then I was on my own.”
“But you did a great job on your own. Don’t ever think that you would have disappointed her, because that’s just not true. She loved you. And I know you loved her. I saw that in the way you handled everything. How you went to every appointment. Every chemo treatment. The… funeral. How you helped us out on the dairy when we needed you.”
“Anyone would have done that. Mason, I owed Ma everything. She saved me. If it hadn’t been for her, coming in and fighting for me when my parents were busted for drugs, I would have been with the state. In some foster home. And she took me in. Not even just that, she made me feel like I was worth something, like I needed to use my brain to get somewhere in the world. And I’ve done my best.”
“You’ve done incredibly. And you really did do it on your own.” The way he said it, it sounded like he was wishing that he’d been more a part of it.
Chase heard a grumbling sound, and it only took him a moment to figure out what it was.
“I think someone needs to eat.”
“Yeah. I didn’t eat on the plane.”
“Not even nuts or cookies?”
