“Don’t act like it’s all on me. Leaving me is the best thing you ever did. Maybe that’s part of why I’m so pissed now. Because you went off and made this incredible life for yourself. Just like you needed to. Just like you deserved. But it was a life without me. Am I supposed to be thrilled about that?”
“You don’t think it was just as hard for me to watch you do an amazing job running this place without me? To see the dairy succeed and thrive, knowing it could all happen even if I wasn’t here?”
“That’s not how it was.”
“Wasn’t it?” Chase asked, turning from him.
Mason wrapped his arm around Chase’s waist. “This place wouldn’t be where it is if you hadn’t been here at the right time—atjustthe right time to help us keep it going. Never forget that, Chase. I sure never will.”
Chase turned back to him. Mason expected him to pull away from his hold. He didn’t want him to, but he figured Chase would push him away. He didn’t, though. He just blurted out, “You should have called me. I deserved that. I was in a tricky position, and I did what I thought was right, and you just… got so mad, and you shut down.”
Mason gulped. Chase was right about that. His pride had stood in his way for all those years because of it. And it wasn’t until Chase had given him hope again that he’d been willing to look past it. “I know. I was childish. And in a way, whenever I think about you, I’m still twenty. Hurt. Damaged… I loved you.”
“I loved you too.”
They both sounded angry as they said the words, but the moment he heard Chase say them back, some impulse possessed Mason, something too powerful for him to resist. He pulled him close for another kiss. Again, he waited for Chase to push away, but he clung to him the way he used to when Mason could tell he was feeling weak and defenseless. Mason felt so appreciative that he could be there for him.
“I loved you so fucking much,” Mason said when they broke their kiss. “And you broke my heart.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was trying to do what was right.”
Mason didn’t allow him to say another word. Just kept offering kisses that he was certain they both needed in that moment.
It was a conversation they’d needed to have for so many years, and Chase’s reminder of their age when it all went down reminded him that, even after so long, when it came to him and Chase, he still felt like that bitter, angry, resentful twenty-year-old. He hadn’t ever let himself move past the hurt. He’d been holding Chase accountable for a decision he’d made as a kid—a kid who was doing what he’d believed was best for them.
Somehow, hearing Chase admit that he had still loved him back then was enough to make up for so much of it.
Maybe he was wrong to believe it still, but maybe, just maybe, they still had a fucking chance.
* * *
It’d taken strength to confront what they’d both been avoiding, but after the day Chase had, his thoughts scrambled, his conscience tortured, he had to get out what they both knew was wrong.
It was a relief to be free of those demons that had haunted them for too long.
He didn’t just feel better knowing that Mason didn’t really hate him, but because Mason said he’d loved him. He’d needed to hear those words again because those were once the words that made him happiest. They brought back familiar sensations, and as he kissed Mason, he felt that at least he wasn’t lying to himself anymore, pretending it was easy to stay apart from him, pretending the years hadn’t been torture.
As he felt Mason’s hot breath rush across his face between kisses, despite the ease that rippled through him, he still had a growing concern that he couldn’t still in his mind.
“What are we doing?” he asked.
Mason pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “We’re not kids anymore,” he said, “and I’m not stupid enough to think either of us can walk away from our lives. But I’m also not dumb enough to let this get away from us right now. Chase, I care about you. And I want this… your body… all of you… so badly right now. Tell me you don’t want this, and we’ll stop, but if you say it, I’ll know you’re lying.”
“This just doesn’t seem like a smart idea.”
“Then let’s be stupid as fuck.” He kissed him again, and Chase couldn’t resist him.
Not when he craved Mason so fucking much, when his cock was painfully stiff in his jeans.
Mason kissed Chase’s face and made his way around it until their lips were locked once again.
He slid his hands under Chase’s shirt, pulling it free of his belt. Reaching under, he gripped at Chase’s flesh.
Chase wanted Mason to ravage him right then. He wanted to feel their bodies together as they’d had them the night before.
Chase grabbed at Mason’s body while Mason pressed his hand firmly against Chase’s face, holding it close to him.
Chase could tell that the passion they felt—the power of it—stemmed from how long they’d gone without speaking, how long he’d denied himself of Mason. The floodgates had been opened, and Chase was ready for the avalanche of emotions and sensations to race through him.
