Mason’s jaw tensed.
Chase could feel that defensiveness, like Mason wanted to hunt the bastards and lay into them.
It reminded him that those early safe feelings he had around Mason weren’t unwarranted.
“It was what it was,” Chase said. “I think the worst was James before him. About a year. He couldn’t really just be with one guy. I didn’t really know that in the beginning, but…”
“He cheated on you?”
“A lot, it turned out. Most of our relationship. But don’t feel bad. I don’t need pity.”
“I’m sorry.” A long silence stretched between them as Mason’s gaze shifted around the fire, which had diminished some, a few flames dancing between the logs that remained. “You ever think about what would have happened if things had gone differently?” he asked.
“All the time.”
“I meant those vows when I said them, Chase. That I would love you forever. I keep thinking, every time you come back, that you’ll be so changed… that I’ll see that you’re different, but as I look at you, I still see that guy I fell in love with.”
And his words felt like a warm hug—a soft embrace. But he also knew that he had a responsibility to Mason to be honest with him and not lead him on.
“What happened at the pond…” Chase began.
“I’m not sitting here thinking it was anything more than it was.” Chase could see the sadness in his eyes, hear the despair in his tone. “I know we can’t go back now. I know that’s not how it works, but I missed you all these years. You don’t even understand how much I missed you. How many times I wanted to call. Write you. Beg you to come back to me. But I know better. I don’t have any delusions about where things are at between us, but it can’t change how it feels to touch you. That spark that clearly you still feel, too.”
Chase could see the desire—the lust in Mason’s eyes. And he imagined Mason could feel that from him as well.
“No, it can’t.”
The bonfire cracked. There it was again—that silence that managed to creep up on them, reminding Chase of the things that weren’t being said. Things they couldn’t really say.
Mason grabbed a pail of water beside him. “I guess we should get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow.”
“No, I’ll get it before I leave. I just want to stay out here for a few more minutes.”
Mason released his hold on the pail and nodded. “Goodnight then.”
“Night.”
Chase watched him as he headed back to the house.
He fetched a bottle of water from the basket and took a sip.
What an interesting day it’d been. They’d managed to stir up so much from the past—things Chase missed with all his heart so desperately.
A dark part of him wanted to go inside and head to Mason’s room.
Like at the pond, he was greedy for relief. He craved to feel the touch he’d denied himself for so long.
He knew what he wanted, and he knew Mason wouldn’t deny him.
He told himself he wouldn’t as he extinguished the fire and headed inside, but somehow, he lost his will. Logic and reason couldn’t overpower those emotions within him—their power, their draw.
Somehow, he wound up standing in front of Mason’s door, considering whether or not to knock.
He almost did a few times.
No, this is stupid.Finally, a voice of reason, but he raised his hand anyway.
A wiser part of himself helped him suppress the urge.
