I was being hard on Scott.
We were both in over our heads when we messed around, and even though my pride has been wounded all day, tonight, when I saw how hurt he was when Jordan brought up his ex, I couldn’t help but sympathize with him. Not just because of what a dick that guy was, but because it so perfectly represented what he’d told me about his dad’s feelings about his career. In so many ways, he feels like he’s on his own, and that’s how I’ve always felt. Like I have to fend for myself and fight for the life I want to live.
As Scott and I stand outside Jordan’s bedroom, I’m trying to think of something to say to make up for this whole ornery day when he blurts out, “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. This was a lot to think about, and…” I glance around uneasily. “This might not be the best place to do this.”
“My room?”
“Let’s go.”
We head into his room, and I shut the door.
He looks like he’s surprised at how comfortable I am in his space.
“Sorry my brother was kind of a dick tonight,” I tell him.
“No. It’s how he gets sometimes when he drinks. And it probably wouldn’t have bothered me if… if last night had gone differently.”
“Do you wish it had?”
He shakes his head. “I was freaking out, Mikey. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry that I was an asshole. The only reason I made a big deal this morning is because I did it without even thinking about Jordan. He’s my friend, and the thought of doing something that would hurt him or make him uncomfortable… that hurts me.”
It touches me that he cares about my brother that much. I was so pissed about him trying to act like it was a mistake, I didn’t consider that it was because he was such a good friend to my brother. Amazing, how I can go from being pissed to appreciative in such a short time. Jordan’s lucky as fuck to have a friend like him.
“So… if we could, tonight… would you want to?”
He stares at me for a moment, clearly considering my invitation.
“I told you, I don’t normally do this kind of thing. Just hook up.”
“Well, I mean, I gotta go back home—”
“No. I wasn’t saying this wasn’t okay. Just more of a dumb observation. Maybe I should stop talking.”
“It’s cuter when you talk.”
His face turns red again.
“You’ve blushed a lot tonight.”
“Well, considering Jordan said that shit about Facebook right in front of you. I mean, that was kind of embarrassing.”
“What was embarrassing about it?” I ask, feeling kind of cocky knowing how hot he thinks I am, but also figuring that he should be confident knowing I want to bang him still. It’s not sending me running.
“Shut up. You know you’re hot. You don’t need me to tell you.”
“But I thought it was cute when you said it.”
He’s still flustered. I like how cute he gets when he’s uncomfortable like this. I like knowing how much he wants me.
And I like how all the tension that stretched between us from earlier has dissolved.
I move toward him, and he flinches, so I stop.
“What is it?”
“This is such a shit idea.”
