“Not really troubles. It’s over.”
“I know you probably don’t want an old man butting into yourlife, but that’s what I’m about to do.”
“Won’t matter. He doesn’t want me.”
“I saw the way he was ogling you when you boys were here. And Iknow the difference between a man who’s smitten and a man who…wants more thanjust to fuck around. Maybe I wasn’t always good at sensing it with the guys Iwas with, but I can sense it with others. That man cares about you.”
“Whatever,” I say. But I want to believe him, and consideringeverything we’ve been through, it’s hard for me not to.
“A fight is just a fight. It doesn’t have to be the end,” hesays.
It reminds me of what Reese said about not running.
Maybe this is the demon I have to confront.
He sets his hand on my shoulder. “You okay?” he asks.
I shake my head as my chin quivers. “Not really.”
“Let’s have some tea,” he suggests. “Just chat with an old manfor a bit. You don’t have to leave right now.”
“Thank you, Charlie.”
He leads me back inside, and I tell him about everything that’s happenedbetween us. I share how I feel about Reese and how I thought he felt about me.About Reese’s past, and then about our confrontation tonight. When I’mfinished, Charlie says, “Well, here’s some more unsolicited advice. He’s beenthrough hell and back. And now he’s got this guy who he’s getting serious with,who’s pulling him out of his comfort zone, and he’s scared as fuck of fuckingup your life with his PTSD. Think about if you were getting into a relationshipwith someone who had cancer. You think they’d be eager to let you sign on whilethey had to endure treatments and basically put you through hell while theywere dealing with it? That’s what we’re talking about here.”
“It’s more than that. He doesn’t believe I can handle it. Heknows how I live my life, and he thinks I’m gonna run.”
“He was having an episode. I’m sure it felt painful when youopened up to him and told him you love him, but you deserve to talk to himabout this again. Not just what he said in the middle of the worst of it.”
He’s right. I know he is.
“You can run off now and never know the truth. Go ahead. Provehim right. I know you’re scared he might really not feel the way you feel, butdo you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happenedif you’d stuck around to fight for him? He expects you to run, but if you stay,you can show him that this is important to you. That he’s important to you.”
“I don’t want to run again,” I admit. “I don’t know what goodit’ll really do me. It’s always the same story everywhere I go. Until I methim, that is. I can’t keep living like that.”
“So you’re willing to work for the man who broke your heart?Even if he decides that he doesn’t want you?”
“Yeah. I can’t live like that anymore. If Reese wants me gone,he’s going to have to find a way to fire me.”
“That’s the spirit, kid,” he says with a wink.
Although just thinking about facing him again makes the tearspour from my eyes. God, I just know I’m going to lose it in front of him.
Charlie heads to bed, and I unpack my car, putting everythingback in my room. Then I take the letter from Melanie and set it on my desk.
I’ll give this back to him tomorrow. Can’t wait to see thefucking look on his face when he sees me and has to deal with this letter allover again. And when he realizes I’m not the kid he thought would just run atthe first sign of trouble. That I’m bigger than that now. Although he’s thereason for that. He’s made me better in so many ways, and even if he doesn’twant me, I have to give him credit for that.
I lie in bed. It’s going to be a lonely night. The loneliestnight I’ve had in a while.
I’m used to him holding me. Used to the occasional kisses on myforehead right before he drifts off.
Mad as I am, I keep replaying our time together over and overagain in my head.
The laughs. The pleasure. The connection.
I wasn’t imagining it. Mean as he was tonight, I can’t believethat he really meant it.
When I got home, he was cold and distant. That letter set himoff. Made him think about his marriage to Melanie.
