The day I’ve been dreading, which threatens to yank me out ofeverything wonderful I’ve shared with Jay and drag me into my dark place again.
I’m scared as shit about that. I was agitated a few weeks ago,but Jay’s offered such a good distraction. Helped dull my awareness of the impendingpain and given me something to look forward to instead.
“Oh, fuck,” Jay says. He grabs his phone off the nightstand.
“What’s up?”
“I meant to download this new Louis C.K. comedy special tolisten to while I’m on my break tomorrow.”
“Louis C.K.?”
“He’s a stand-up comedian. I’ve already listened to all thespecials I downloaded. I heard he was coming to Atlanta in a few months, andwhen I went to check it out, I saw he had a new special out.”
“So that’s what you’re doing whenever I see you with yourearbuds in? You’re listening to a comedian?”
“Not justacomedian. I love stand-up comedy. RichardPryor, Tim Allen, Joan Rivers, Rita Rudner.”
“Who the fuck is Rita Rudner?”
“She’s one of my favorites. She’s from the 80s. Razor-sharp wit.Clever-ass jokes.”
There’s that excited expression again, and that look in his eyeslike he’s floating on fucking Cloud Nine.
He keys into his phone for a bit before saying, “There.Downloading. It’ll be all set for my break tomorrow.” He looks like he’s sodamn proud of himself before he repositions himself in the bed, placing hishand back on my abs.
“Come on. You don’t get to act this adorable and then expect menot to defile the crap out of you,” I say.
“I didn’t say we couldn’t mess around, but we should at leastfinish this one episode.” He winks at me as he pets my torso. I like when hetouches my body like it belongs to him. His attention returns to the TV.
“God, he’s incredible,” Jay says as we both enjoy the model onthe screen, more fixated on his hot body than giving any shits about thenarrative that’s trying to explain the crime his character committed.
“You think he’s hotter than this hot slab of meat you’re in bedwith?” I ask.
Jay turns to me, beaming. “He’s okay.” He slides his hand downmy torso and lifts the covers to reveal my fully erect dick. “And big as helooks in those jeans, I doubt he can compete with that,” he admits.
“You just remember that.” I roll over on top of him.
I feel frisky. Like I did when I was in my fucking earlytwenties. Seeing him all excited about stand-up comedians got me all worked up.
We start making out again. “The episode,” he insists betweenkisses, but he’s not trying to push me away again. He surrenders to me. I’vewon, and I know it. Now for some victory ass.
“I’d feel bad using you like a blow-up doll if you weren’tenjoying it so much,” I say.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand. Again and again. I try notto look, but one glance over, and I see the familiar number. My face flushes.
“You got a little trick lined up?” Jay teases.
“Shut up. The only nights you haven’t been here have been thenights I have group sessions, so you sure as fuck know that isn’t the case.”
He beams, like he’s proud of how my schedule has revolved aroundhim the past couple of weeks, and he should be. I love being able to sneak hometogether and spend the morning coordinating exactly how far apart we’ll arriveto work to keep anyone from being suspicious.
But despite my attempts at losing myself in him, I’m distracted.
Why did she have to call right now?
Couldn’t I have had one more night?
I’ve already been dreading the next few days. Knew I’d have tofind an excuse to get out of fucking around with Jay, but I’ve been in suchdenial since we started messing around.
