I imagine the distant look in Caleb’s eyes. His agitationwhenever we tried to go out with some of our old friends. The way he broke downwhen some of his anti-war buddies gave him a hard time about havingparticipated. That all bothered me too, but not the way it bothered him. Iloved Caleb so fucking much, and now he’s fucking gone.
Forever.
Jay’s eyes are still on me. I’m trying to figure out what he’sthinking, but as he glances down, I realize I’ve stopped making my drink. Igrab the Sprite bottle and pour some on top of the vodka in the glass. I stirit with the spoon I left out from making Jay’s drink. Then I take a sip.
“Sorry. I needed a little something.”
“I would, too. Jesus. Crazy to think it was that long ago…thewar in Iraq.”
“Yeah. Over a decade, and there are days when it feels like I’mstill right there. Like I never came home to this life. Like everything that’shappened between now and then is the dream and the war is the only reality.”
“That’s crazy,” Jay says. “How that short amount of time canfuck a person up so much.”
“Yeah. Real crazy.”
“So the post-traumatic stress disorder…do you mind if I ask youabout that?”
Yes. I mind a lot.
“Started having a lot of episodes after I got back,” I say.“Intense. Unforgiving. Unbearable. Made it difficult for me to go to work.After I started a job at a distribution warehouse in Vinings, I had a seriousepisode. One of my co-workers had actually been through ’Nam and encouraged meto get help.”
It’s not a complete lie. The story about the episodes and myco-worker’s well-meaning attempt to help me are true, but really, I quit thatjob shortly after and found another, hoping to avoid the issue. It wasn’t untila year later that I sought treatment. But that’s something I don’t want himasking questions about. Something he surely doesn’t even want to know about.
“Well, I think we’ve talked enough about my grim life,” I say.“What about you? You seem like you’re pretty well-traveled. Like you’ve beenaround the block a few times. What’s your story?”
“I don’t have much in the way of a story. Not like yours. I wasraised by my aunt and uncle from the age of twelve…until I was old enough toget out on my own, and I never really liked school and didn’t have the means togo anyway, so I had to start looking for work right after. Picked up odd jobswherever I could. This and that. I don’t like people ordering me around. Well,except in the bedroom that is.”
He winks at me, and my cock twitches. A rush of adrenalineshoots through me. He’s so fucking sexy that even something so simple gets meall worked up.
“So I obviously have trouble staying in one place.”
“But why do you move around so much? Why not just find a new jobin the same area?”
He takes a sip of his drink and shrugs. “I guess I just haven’tfound anywhere I really like. You know, it’d be nice to settle down somewhere.To find a place that I really like. But nowhere I’ve gone has really impressedme.”
“And what do you think of Atlanta?”
“Nice enough. Got a lot of horny guys on Grindr, I’ve noticed.”He has a sly look in his eyes and a fat grin across his face.
“Oh, yeah. We have plenty of those.”
“The weather here could be better. Damn, it’s a hot-ass summer.Humidity isn’t very forgiving. Especially in the factory.”
“No, it isn’t. But you think you’ll stick around?”
“Maybe. If things keep working out as well as they are. Youknow…with the guys.”
Despite the playfulness of his tone, I feel like he’s totallyserious.
“So that’s how you live your life?” I ask. “Some place doesn’twork out, then you just move along?”
“Look, I don’t need a lecture right now.”
“I’m not trying to lecture you. I’m just asking a question. Noteverything has to be a fight, Jay.”
He takes a breath, once again reminding me of how Caleb wouldhave to calm himself when he got short with me. “It’s just easier that way.”
“How many cities have you lived in?”
