***
Shouting catches my attention. It’s coming from the main warehouse.
And just when I was having such a great day.
I head inside and see Jay and William having at it. “Well, Idon’t see why you’re getting on my fucking case,” Jay shouts.
I’m pissed that it’s him. Really? He can’t make my job fuckingeasier.
“You were supposed to fill it up when you were finished,”William shouts back.
“Hey, hey, hey, guys,” I call as I head into the warehouse.“What’s going on?” As I approach, I see Jay’s face is bright red. He doesn’tlook at me.
“He didn’t put gas in the forklift,” William says. “I told himthe gas gauge doesn’t work anymore and that he has to refill it every time heuses it, so it died on me while I was trying to move some packages onto theloading dock.”
“Is it going to kill him to do it now?” I ask.
William sighs like he doesn’t understand why I’m being lax aboutthis. Like I should be up in arms over such a trivial thing.
“I don’t see why I forget to do one goddamn thing, and Williamis all up in my fucking face about it. Can’t a guy make a fucking mistake?”Jay’s tone is severe, his body tense, his face red. I don’t know why he’s sofucking defensive about this. Or why it has to be a fight. It’s not somethingthat can’t be fixed.
“William, let me handle this,” I say. I lead Jay back to myoffice.
“What’s going on?” I ask him as I close the door behind me.
He sulks.
“Seriously?” I ask. “You were fine this morning.”
“I’m doing my job, same as everyone else here.”
“If you messed up with filling up the stupid gas in theforklift, you think I give a flying fuck?”
“William sure does.”
He was there for me when I was having my breakdown. Now it’s myturn to be here for him.
I saunter over to my desk and lean back on it, relaxing my palmson the edge. “Jay, talk to me. Seems like every time something normalhappens—something that most people would just laugh off or chock up to nothing,you fly off the handle. What’s wrong?”
He looks at his feet. “This is just how it always fucking is. Nomatter where I go. Everyone blaming me for shit. Acting like I’m the reasoneverything goes fucking wrong.”
He doesn’t sound angry anymore. He sounds sad. Like he’sdisappointed in himself.
“Talk to me, Jay. Please.”
11
Jay
Reese has totally blown away all my defenses.
When I was shouting atWilliam, I wasn’t even thinking straight. I was just filled with rage andblindly arguing to get him off my back. But Reese is actually listening to me.
I’m not used to that.
I remember being a kid. Dadshouting at the top of his lungs. Always screaming at me for one reason oranother. How I fucked up doing a chore around the house. How I fucked up inschool. How I fucked up his life. No matter how far away I am from the littletrailer in Texas that I grew up in, I’ll never get far enough away to forgetthe tone in his voice when he berated me and my bro. Every moment that weneeded something from him was a moment of inconvenience that was liable to sethim off, sending him flying into his latest tantrum. And he proved with Milesjust how much he never wanted kids. Just how much of a pain in the ass we werefor him to have to deal with.
“I don’t understand why I’mthe one who always gets fussed at,” I say. “Everyone fucks up, but they don’thave to hear about it all the fucking time. They don’t get screamed at overstupid shit. I’m always getting shouted at.”
