It’s the only relief I’ve had since my stress about this time ofyear returned. I need it so much. I never let myself have anything, so in someways, I feel like I deserve this. I know that’s what this is really about. I’ma victim of these delicious sensations, thinking with them rather than thevoice of reason that keeps telling me what a crap idea this is.
Jay rolls toward me, his tight muscles compressing together,stressing their impressive definition. His cock hangs down the side of histhigh.
I roll toward him so that we’re both on our sides, facing oneanother. I offer a kiss, which he eagerly receives. It reminds me of thisintense magnetism I feel toward him. Something I wouldn’t haveexpected—something I never could have imagined before he planted that first hotkiss on me.
As he pulls away, he glances around my room. “You have a fuckingnice house.”
“Thank you.” Although I don’t feel all that proud of it sinceit’s more about the OCD I developed alongside my PTSD. Laura tells me that’snot uncommon. Sort of my way of controlling what I can.
“You’d die if you saw my place. I’m basically a rat that rents aroom.”
I chuckle. “I was a mess when I was younger, trust me. That’snot a bad thing.”
He looks like he’s trying to figure something out about me. Likehe’s looking for something from my past. I shift my gaze because I don’t wanthim to see back there. I don’t want anyone to see the horrors I wish I couldforget.
“That shit that happened in the break room…how often does ithappen?”
Why did he have to take something that felt so amazing to such agoddamn awful place? I was finally enjoying myself, and he wants to dig up theworst part of my life. But he was there for me. As much as I wish he hadn’tseen that, it was nice that he kept the other guys from seeing it. I’mappreciative of that, and I owe him an explanation.
“It’s not usually like that. I can’t ever get rid of itcompletely. But typically I can push through the hard parts, now that I’m onmeds and shit. I have my good days and bad days. Usually I’m better on the baddays than I was in the breakroom. If I’m on edge, I can kind of sense whenthings are coming. Like when you dropped that box of glass before you startedthe fight with Tyler. That was a loud-ass noise, and as I’m sure you saw, itgot to me, but at least when I see the reason for the sound, it doesn’t botherme as much as when it just comes out of nowhere. Fortunately, I’m used tochecking around, being aware of my surroundings enough that that doesn’t happenmuch. Used to be a lot worse. I was at a job before I came to the factory, andI wasn’t there more than two months before I had an episode. They ended upfiring me. Not over that, they claimed, but I know it was because that freakedthem out. So I’m extra careful I don’t get caught. Easier now that I’m asupervisor because I can at least sneak off and hide it from the other guys ifthings get really bad.”
“What happens in your head when you hear a noise like that?” Jayasks.
“I don’t just hear the noise. I hear the rumbling of noises fromwhen we were running through the streets in Fallujah. Gunfire and the sound ofbombs going off. Kids, women, men, screaming. They don’t sound like echoes fromthe past as much as they sound like they’re happening right now. As if I’msomehow slipping through a time warp that’s taking me back to that moment.”
“That’s horrible.”
“It’s not as bad as it used to be,” I say. Talking with himabout it is hard. I’d rather just avoid the subject, but Laura and the groupsessions have made that part easier. Only took eight fucking years for me toget to this point.
He glances down at my dick, which is still stiff as a board.“How are you that fucking hard right now?” he asks.
I blush. Not much can make me do that, but considering thereason, I can’t help it. “I take a little something to help me out. Initially,my meds made it difficult to get hard, and I didn’t want to miss out on one ofmy favorite parts of living, so my doc helped me out there.”
“Viagra?”
“A very low dose of Cialis once a day.”
“Well, with a hard-on like that, you must need someone on thatcock all the time.”
I smile, appreciating his playfulness about a subject thattypically causes me some tension. Makes me feel somewhat emasculated.
“It’s nice when I get the chance.”
“You don’t fuck like you have any trouble getting laid.” Jayeyes me skeptically, as though he believes I’m some kind of man-whore.
“I think I have a very reasonable sex life.”
“Like what? Five guys a week?” he asks with a whimsical smirk,one of his bushy eyebrows raised higher than the other.
He earns a smile. I like this playful side of him. If he showedthis to the guys at work, I don’t imagine he’d encounter so much resistance.
“I’m not that bad,” I say. “Hell, considering the past few weekswith work, I haven’t had much time for anything like that.”
“Then I guess I’m just glad that you saved that load for me.”
I smile and lean close to him, my lips right before his. “Youknow, I have plenty of loads to make up for it if that’s what you want.”
“If you need a cum-slut tonight, you can just have at it.” Hekisses me and that sweet feeling returns. I wrap my arm around him and push himdown onto the bed.
