Tad
“I know you’ve had a lot of intense press recently,” Emilysays, her legs crossed as she tilts her head slightly in a way that makes herlook as though someone told her a long time ago she needed to give off somephysical assurance that she was listening.
Everything about her behaviorseems crafted. It’s that former debutante in her. Emily’s interviewed me a fewtimes. She’s a wonderful woman, but she’s the sort of girl who always seemshappy-as-can-be. It’s a performance I’m not particularly impressed by becauseit lacks any sort of authenticity. Too obvious. Too cheerful. I think to appearsincere, a person can’t go around smiling all the time, which is obviously howEmily was trained.
“The Cowboys didn’t make the SuperBowl this season,” she says, “your boyfriend’s very public and humiliatingphotos were leaked online. And your mother’s past was revealed in an interviewthat surprised even you.”
“It’s been a tough season.”
I’ve been preparing for thisinterview for the past few days, practice-interviewing with Debra so that wecould craft reasonable answers for any questions Emily might throw at me. Ifeel like crap for dragging Debra here when she should be with her mother, butI don’t know what else to do now that my life seems to be caving in on me.
Kiernan, Bryce, Debra, and Darrencertainly aren’t helping by sitting off to the side, stressed as ever, waitingfor me to fuck this up like I did the last interview. It’s like they’reemitting a beam of stress that’s generating this sweat that’s collecting on myforehead and palms.
“So let’s begin with your mother,”Emily says. “For years you and your father told everyone that she was living inKentucky and that you kept in touch with her…”
“That was a lie.”
“Why lie about it?”
“Because we didn’t know what hadhappened to her. She left when I was eight, and it was something we just didn’twant to discuss. She was gone long before I was a kid. Checked-out mentally. Shesuffered from depression. We believed that she was still out there. Living herlife. Hopefully having found happiness.”
“So when you found out the truth,what was your first thought?”
“Devastation,” I say, tearsstirring in my eyes. Not because I found out that she passed, but becausetalking about this reminds me of her rejection. Of how easy it was for her toabandon me. “Sadness that I never had a chance to reach out to her again. Sadnessthat I never had a chance to talk to her. To find out why she left us that day.To try and help her out of the misery and despair that obviously led her tomake that decision.”
And while I’m saying the answerthat Debra and I rehearsed, all I can think is how I’m not really sad about howshe suffered. If anything, I’m relieved, because in some ways, I feel like shedeserved it for how she made me suffer all these years. Leaving me wondering.Leaving me hating myself because I was someone she could so easily abandon.
***
“That was incredible,” Debra says. “Flawless.”
She’s come a long way from whenshe was pissed at me at the beginning of the season, though I wonder if shejust feels guilty about not being here for me when all this shit hit the fan.
The interview went well, andeveryone seems happy, but I’m so wrapped up in the text message I just saw frommy private investigator that I can hardly think straight. He messaged me theaddress of the woman who contacted Kira Wilde’s people about my mom. Theyhadn’t mentioned her name on the report, but fortunately, my guy managed totrack her down through some of his contacts. It gives me some hope that I mightbe able to find out what really happened with my mother all those years ago.
I make my way down the hall until Ifeel something shift on my chest. It catches me off guard. It takes me a momentbefore I realize I’m still wearing the lavalier mic that Emily’s sound guys puton me. Since I was so absorbed in the news from my private investigator, Ihadn’t even thought about giving it back.
“Oh, shit,” I say, stopping in thehall. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where you going?” Bryce, who’sright behind me, asks.
“Relax, cowboy. Just returning mymic. It’ll take me all of five seconds. Why don’t you just wait here, and I’llbe back real quick.” I head down the hall to the door we exited through.
I start to open the door when Ihear Emily talking to someone on the phone.
“I wasn’t willing to focus on thecheating angle.”
As soon as I hear those words, Istop opening the door. I peer through, seeing Emily busily stuff some papersshe glanced at during the interview into a briefcase. Her assistants collectsome of the equipment into black boxes on a table on the other side of theauditorium.
“Did Radley not tell you aboutthis?” she asks. “Well, talk to him. I was seeing Malcom Haldwell at US Weeklywhen he and Jordan Spears ran wild with that story. The only reason Haldwellagreed to it was because Jordan could get him a couple of interviews with someof the guys he was messing around with. So unless you want to be one of thedumbass stations who made a fuss about it when Tad Roarke finally decides toprove Jordan Spears is a liar, then I suggest we just stay out of it. I can’trun a story that I know isn’t the truth. I covered the story that matters—theone that everyone’s interested in right now. The cheating is old news anyway.”
Rage swells in my chest.
How dare that fucking asshole putme through hell like that after what he did? It was one thing when it was justUS Weekly running a crackpot story from God-knew-who’s intel. But to know thatJordan was behind it, that cuts. Deep.
My hand with the lavalier mictrembles. I just want to punch his fucking lights out. I want to attacksomeone—something—anything.
“Everything okay?” Bryce asks.
