I remind myself that, lovely asour time has been together, we both know it has to come to an end. Even thoughI want to believe it doesn’t have to be that way, I know better. How could weever merge our lives? How could I ever walk away from everything I’ve worked sohard to create with Kiernan? How could Bryce find a way to work within thecontext of this crazy life that I live?
No answers. Just questions—questionsthat if I think too hard about just frustrate me. So like usual, I chase themaway by reminding myself that I can continue enjoying this for as long as itlasts.
Forty
Bryce
“You have a five o’clock with Kira Wilde tomorrow,” Darrensays as we sit together at breakfast in a Dallas restaurant. He’s reviewingTad’s schedule while I catch up on the news inTheNew York Times.
The past few days have been a realshit show. The Cowboys lost their game last Saturday, so they’re officially outof the running for the Super Bowl. And while Tad worked his ass off in thatgame, when they lost by a field goal, it was a devastating blow—one that everyoneis trying to recover from.
Without Debra, Tad’s had to facethe reporters and interviewers alone. Most of them are quick to remind Tad ofhis failings at the beginning of the season and how lucky the Cowboys were toprogress as far as they did. They’ve mentioned our relationship, the attemptedmurder, and internal conflicts with the team as possible explanations for whyhis game was off.
Although, considering the stresshe’s been under as the next victim of a killer, he has a perfectly good reasonfor being stressed. And it’s certainly not all his fault that his team lostthese games.
“And don’t forget we have toorchestrate a day we can have the opening of the clinic in Dallas,” Darrensays. “Should be easier now that…Well, you know…”
“Clinic?” I ask.
“It’s just a little thing,” Tadsays quickly before forking half the fried egg he’s ordered for breakfast intohis mouth.
Darren eyes Tad suspiciously.
“A little thing?” he asks as hesets his phone down beside his plate. “We’ve been coordinating this for thepast year.” He turns his attention to me. “It’s a nonprofit company that Tad’sfinancing so they can create an STD testing and counseling center for the LGBTcommunity.”
Just as quickly as I had judgedTad for how he handled the call with Debra about her mom, once again, I’mforced to reconsider my assumptions about him.
“It’s nothing,” Tad says like he doesn’twant to discuss it anymore, and Darren continues looking at him like he doesn’tunderstand why he’s acting so disinterested.
“If you say so,” Darren says. Hepouts. “You know, it’s gonna be weird not seeing Carson until next season.” SinceCarson’s just hired for games, he’s officially off the hook until next year.
My phone buzzes. Roeder. When Ianswer, he says, “Is this real?”
“What?”
“This picture of your cock that’sgoing around on the internet?”
“What the fuck are you talkingabout?”
I glance around the restaurant.I’ve caught the interest of pretty much all the patrons. But right now, I’mless concerned about their scrutiny than I am about the possibility thatthere’s a phony nude of me crawling around on the net.
“I’m forwarding this to you.”
I pull the phone away from my earand check my email.
“What’s going on?” Tad asks.
“Everything cool?” Darren adds.
I’m too busy repeatedly trying todownload the attachment to respond.
Then, there it is. My big danglingschlong. It’s from the photoshoot we did the day Tad got shot. Based on thepicture’s resolution, it’s not from the photographer. It looks like it’s fromsomeone’s camera phone. Possibly one of his assistants.
My face fills with heat. “Whatthe—”
Tad leans over my shoulder and ashe sees the picture, his face turns white—surely in stark contrast to mine,which I figure is beaming red.
***
