I regret having brought him upduring our fight. He starts to say something. Stops himself. Then he gulps andstarts again. “I don’t think I realized how much I depended on him until theday when I had to face a world he wasn’t a part of anymore. And I justcouldn’t. I started having some panic attacks. A psychiatrist prescribed Xanax,and I had a great idea. I took one. Put a belt around my neck. The other end, Ishoved into the dryer door. It was stacked on top of the washer, so it was justhigh enough for me to get a bit of a drop. I cuffed my hands behind my back sothat I wouldn’t struggle.”
He stares off, looking sovulnerable—the most vulnerable I feel he’s ever allowed himself to be with me.And as terrible as what he’s telling me is, I’m relieved that he’s sharing itbecause the more he lets me see, the more impressed I am with him.
“What made you change your mind?”I ask.
“I just didn’t want it to end likethat. Not in such a humiliating way. A way that I knew would have people comingin and finding me and being so…disappointed. But as you can see, a gig likethis is perfect for a guy who just needs it to stop.”
“Needs what to stop?”
“The pain.”
He looks me directly in the eyes,and I see the despair, the hopelessness within him. I wish there was somethingI could say, but devastated as I’ve been about situations in my life, that’snot a solution I’ve ever considered. I wish there was something I could say tomake him see his value…to realize that he’s important, but I know this isn’tthe sort of thing that can be soothed with some quick-fix self-help advice.
His gaze drifts and then returnsto me. He looks like he regrets what he just said. It’s clear that, in thismoment of vulnerability, he allowed himself to open up too much.
He shifts, and I sit up as herolls off the bed, mooning me as he heads around the bed to his swimsuit, whichhe quickly slides on.
“Guess we should get back downbefore Darren figures something’s up,” he says.
“Yeah, that’s probably a goodidea.” I get up and head for my speedo.
He starts for the door, and I’mdevastated because I know nothing’s changed. We’re just as confused as ever aboutwhatever the fuck we’re doing. And he’s going to leave me wondering if we’reever going to hook up again.
He whirls back around and movesswiftly toward me. I only have a moment to be confused before he plants a firmkiss and pushes me back against the wall.
I wrap my arms around him and kisshim back.
This kiss feels different. It’snot the kiss of the passion that we share when we’re fucking. But a kiss of appreciation.Like he’s relieved to have shared something so personal about himself with me. I’mrelieved that he did, too.
“No more games,” he says as hebreaks our kiss. “No more fighting. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t wantyou anymore.”
“Then don’t,” I say before we kissagain.
Thirty-Eight
Bryce
He sucks my cock as I lie stretched out across the bed.
His rhythm is just right, and Ican feel I’m about to come.
I curse as he brings me to climax,and I grip onto his head and pull it back as he laps up some of the come thatspills from me.
“Goddammit,” I say because my cockis so hypersensitive.
Tad has a sly grin spread acrosshis face. He’s proud of himself. But he’s getting familiar with my tastes, myinterests, so it shouldn’t surprise him considering when we got back from Kauaiwe picked up right where we left off before that pic of us kissing leakedonline.
Tad rises on his knees and jerks offover me, spilling his load across my abs. I rub the warm fluid across my body,enjoying being bathed in him.
Once he’s finished, he crawlsbeside me, lies across me, and rests his head on my chest.
With the addition of Jamison and Terry,it’s getting harder for us to conceal what we’re doing, but somehow we’vemanaged to evade suspicion—partly because we’re good at keeping our cool wheneveryone else is around and partly because it’s easy to be sneaky when you’rein adjoining and sometimes connected hotel rooms. Every day I’m around Tad, Ienjoy him even more. Every day, I’m left more concerned than the last that ifwe don’t catch this psycho that wants him dead, I might not have a Tad to enjoyone day.
His cell vibrates, and he rollsover and checks it. He presses a button, and Debra’s voice comes on speaker:“Hey, Tad, I’ve set up everything with Steph, so you should be good the nexttwo weeks.”
She and Tad have coordinated somevacation time to help her mom move to the facility where she’ll be taking partin the experimental study Debra mentioned in the hospital. While we were in Kauai,she got the call that her mom had been accepted, but she would need to get herto the facility quickly in order to participate.
“How’s your mom doing?” Tad asks.
