“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Didn’t you?”
“Of course not.”
I know he’s not just saying thathe doesn’t want to play boyfriends for the FBI, but that he’s not interested inanything more with me. Not that I want more from him. I’m fine with leavingthings the way they are, but I didn’t think he’d be that horrified about beingwith me. I would have thought, considering how much time we’ve spent together,he could at least entertain the idea more than when he first met me. But again,I’m reminded we don’t really know each other outside of our hookups and fucksessions. As far as he knows, I’m just a spoiled attention whore. I guess ifthat was my opinion of someone, I wouldn’t want to be with them either.
I don’t know why I’m even lettingmy thoughts head that direction. He’s just a fuck buddy. A hell of a good fuckbuddy, and that’s what I’m fighting to keep right now. The hot-as-fuck sex.
“Whatever,” I say. “I just meant,is it really that bad?”
“Tad, I know this doesn’t seemlike a big deal to you… a guy who’s been getting this kind of attention sincecollege, but for a guy who’s used to being undercover, who tries desperately toblend in and not stand out, this is a lot. I’m not excited about being ongossip blogs or having people making all these assumptions about me and mylife.”
“That’s fair,” I say.
I know what he’s thinking. That Ilove this. That I feed off it. I don’t dwell on the dark side, and consideringhow fucking privileged my life is, I don’t feel like I have a right to bitchand moan about it, but he doesn’t get the half of it. Being the media darlingisn’t a wonderful thing. It’s a nightmare of constantly putting on a show thatyou just hope people will like. It’s basically going back into the closet,though not about being gay…just about everything else that matters to me. Aboutwho I really am. About what I’m really all about. Even though it was the onlyway out of this jam, when I suggested this crackpot idea back in Kiernan’shotel room, a part of me enjoyed the idea of Bryce seeing this stuff forhimself. I could tell what he was thinking when he first met me. He made it clearthat he thinks I’m this lucky son of a bitch for being here, but if he has tolive it, he’ll know that being where I am isn’t about getting what I wanttwenty-four seven. But even more than that, there’s something nice aboutthinking that, like when I was with Jordan, people might actually get behind usas a couple, and then I might not feel so alone.
“You signed up to do this job,which is to keep me safe. What better way to keep me safe than if you have anexcuse to be with me all the time, any time? I have to do this for years. You haveto do this for maybe a few months. I think you’ll survive.”
His expression relaxes. He takes adeep breath and shakes his head. “I don’t really have a choice at this point.”
To most, this would seem like adream. It’s strange to finally meet someone who isn’t eager to be thrust intothe public eye. And while I know he has good reasons for feeling that way, I’mcertain if he feels this way now, it’ll be even worse as he finds himself evenmore entrenched in the awful dark world that is public scrutiny.
Twenty-Three
Bryce
“Bryce,” Debra says, “I need you to smile a little more,okay?”
I force a smile. Her eyes widenwith concern. “Oh, my. Maybe we can tone that down to a less…robotic look?”
I do my best.
“That’s lovely.”
She sits in a chair across fromthe loveseat we sit on. In a black pencil skirt and zebra-striped blouse, she assessesus through her glasses, as though she’s trying to design décor rather than thedetails of an interview.
We’re in Tad’s penthouse in a Chicagohotel. The Cowboys play the Eagles on Saturday, so Debra booked an interview withChicago-based media-mogul Henry Mason. Considering his radio show always has timeto feature the lives and times of fabulous celebrities, I’m not surprised Debrawas able to land this particular interview. Also, Henry Mason’s fan base is soenormous that, as Debra says, this is all we need to take Tad from being onethe most loathed celebrities to one of the most loved. I’m not sure it’ll bethat effective, but I’m hoping once it’s finished, we can go back to the waythings were—before the fucking—with me doing my job.
It’s been three days since we wereconfronted about our kiss, and we haven’t fucked since. I assumed Tad wouldunderstand that, at least for a while, we should keep things quiet, but I cantell even as he sits on the other side of the loveseat that he’s not interestedin playing boyfriends anymore.
“Tad,” she says, glaring at him.She shifts her gaze to me, clearly indicating that he needs to make an effortnot to be as distant as possible. “This is a rehearsal, so you should probablyat least try to act like you would in the interview.”
“It’s a radio show.”
“That’s recorded in-studio to beposted online, so…”
He rolls his eyes and scoots overto me.
Why can’t he understand that wecan’t keep fucking like rabbits while his dad and Darren are suspicious thatthat might actually be what’s going on between us?
As he settles beside me, Debrafolds her hands together and relaxes her head to one side.
“So when did you guys startboning?”
As she picks up on my surprise,she says, “Henry is going to trip you up like that. To see how you react. Keepon your toes, and remember, you have to pick at each other a little bit. It’snot believable if you are just all happy and rosy about everything. You have tomake them believe you’re arealcouple. People like a relatable couple,not a perfect couple. Never forget that.”
I don’t listen to Henry Mason’sshow, but since he’s one of the most popular radio talk shows in the US, I’mmore than familiar with his reputation. He’s the kind who tries to startsfights with his guests for ratings. The kind who’s always getting celebrities toslip up and say something foolish or provocative. He can get Tom Cruise to gooff on some psychotic rant about Scientology or get the current voguepolitician to use the N word. Things that result in people potentially being labelledas crazy or racist or homophobic for months after their appearance. Henry Masonis calculating, cunning, and always underestimated. Though I understand what agood interview on a show like his can do, I also realize that a bad one couldhave the opposite effect. If I fuck this up, Tad’s really screwed. And so am I.
