“You fucking shit.”
“I have a job to do.”
“How does that even matter? Wecan’t fucking have sex just ’cause it feels good?”
“Why doesn’t it fucking surpriseme that you think like that? You think that just because it feels good, youshould do it. But you know what? The world doesn’t work that way. Not everyone getsto do whatever they want. Not everyone is some privileged rich boy who can actlike the world is his goddamn oyster.”
“You don’t know me,” he saysthrough gritted teeth.
I know all I need to know. I knowthat tomorrow this experience won’t mean any more to him than any other he’shad with anyone else. I’ll just be another guy he’s fucked.
“Just get the fuck out,” he says.
I’m surprised by his tone, but Iknow it’s the best thing for both of us right now, so I just put on some of myclothes and head out of his room, throwing on my shirt as I start through thehall.
Fourteen
Tad
Roger Kennings comes at me like the fucking gorilla he is.6’ 9’’ and with the build of a professional wrestler, he’s an intimidatingforce for the Giants, but I’m not intimidated even as he barrels toward me, afierce expression on his face as he flashes his bright-white teeth and mouthguard.
During the last play, as hetackled me, he started to make a punch for my gut and a few of his teammatesthrew themselves into a dogpile on top of me to prevent a personal foul. As aref broke it up, a few of the guys made sure to punch and grab at me enough toleave me feeling violated when I got back up.
It’s left me seeing red.
I’m not just mad at him, though.I’m mad at everything. At Jordan for cheating. At Kiernan and Mally for ridingup my ass about all the goddamn sponsors. At Bryce for how he ditched me theother week.
I’m gonna keep my cool. Not losemy shit.
But I’m going to get Roger Kenningswhile I have a chance. He has the ball, and this is the perfect opportunity toget my revenge on the dickhead.
As he comes at me, I barrel at himfull-force. He’s going down. Hard.
He slips the ball to one of theother running backs, and I have a moment where I can stop, but I don’t. I throwmyself on him, knocking him to the ground and landing conveniently so that my elbowjabs into his side.
He curses, and it’s the onlyreward I’m going to get, considering there’s no way we’re not losing yards overthis.
As I get up, I hear the refs andplayers fussing at me, and as I turn, I see Darren and Bryce in the stands,eyeing me like I lost my fucking mind.
That’s going to be one hell ofa replay.
It’s rare that my anger consumesme like this, but I’ve just been so pissed at Bryce since that night. It’swhat’s fueled me through the meets and past few games. And we’ve been winning.6-3 right now. So I’ve been enjoying the success that it’s brought me. Still,it doesn’t keep me from hating Bryce.
He was right. We shouldn’t havefucked. It’s affected me too much.
Who is he to judge me for whatI’ve done?
I shouldn’t be surprised that hethinks I’m a whore. Still, if he thinks I’m that fucking loose, he shouldrealize that I know when it’s good. And that wasn’t just good. That was thebest sex of my life. That shit meant something to me, and it’s definitely notsomething that should be ignored.
I’ve been reminding myself thatBryce has a fucked-up past. I’m sure that’s making him reluctant to get intoanything, and his job demands that we not do this. But I’m so fucking tired ofeveryone telling me how things should be. Who I should fuck. What I shouldfeel.
***
“What the fuck was that?” Kiernan asks.
“Yes, I’d like to know what the fuckthat was, too,” Debra says.
This is coming at me after Mallyhad another hysterical fit in front of the guys in the locker room. Bryce,Carson, and Darren sit at table in Mally’s office, where we’re having thisgathering. The room is decorated with our various trophies and plaques andframed publicity from some of the biggest newspapers in the country,chronicling our teams’ most successful moments.
