“Is your haircut feminine?”
He drinks his glass of vodka soda,and as he sets the glass on the bar, he runs his finger through his lengthybangs, saying, “Sassy is what I was going for.”
I laugh. “Well, that it is.”
His eyes glisten in thefluorescent light that comes from behind the bar, illuminating his softfeatures.
I gulp down some of my rum andCoke. I rattle the ice in the nearly empty drink before asking, “So tell me,Darren, how’d you end up in this gig?”
He puffs his cheeks. His lips flapas he releases his breath quickly.
“Where to begin with that one? Canyou blame a guy who jumps into the first opportunity he comes across aftercollege? You know, they really should warn you about what you study. APolitical Science major who loses his interest in law doesn’t have much tooffer the world. And this gig offered some good money. At least, compared towhat some of the guys I went to school with were going to be making. Get totravel. Go out and do all these cool things and meet big shot celebrities. Ilooked like I was living the big life, right? And benefits. Who would say no tothat? But not much can make up for being hauled around so that you can watchsomeone else getting to live this fabulous sort of life while you’re…well, notreally living the most impressive of lives.”
“Oh, come on. That’s how you seeit?”
“It’s true. If I get with a guy,it’s because Tad’s rejected him, and I’m a sort of consolation prize. Like, ‘Eh,well he’s not the worst-looking guy in the world.’”
“You’re far from that,” I say. Ashe blushes, I’m reminded that I’d love to be the guy who cheers him up. Getshim to stop dwelling on all this ridiculous shit about being second next to Tad.
“You always seem to be prettystressed,” I note.
“Do I? Well, Kiernan and Tadaren’t exactly relaxed if they don’t get things exactly the way they want, incase you haven’t noticed.”
“No, not at all,” I tease. “Butyou seriously look like one of the most stressed people in the world. Thatcan’t be good for you.”
“You should see me when I’m not onXanax.”
Though he says it in an amusedtone, I can tell he’s serious. It’s disappointing. Not that he takes Xanax, butthat he’s still so fucking stressed even with the extra assistance.
“I guess when you’re around a guylike Tad you kind of feel like you have to overcompensate for some of hisbehaviors and swing the other way.”
“Well,” I say, “I’m impressed thatyou’ve dealt with it as long as you have.”
“I think I get him better thanother people. I don’t know. He is a big fucking asshole, but that shit thatwent down after Jordan…He got a lot of the heat from that, but—”
“Well, he did cheat on him.”
As uninformed as I may be aboutpop culture, it was unavoidable to see the headlines when rumors of theirbreakup being over his various indiscretions made front-page news. Not only didhe have to deal with the usual scrutiny from the mainstream media about theobvious issue with his behavior, but gay media outlets that had long supportedhis career were outraged that he was making gay men look like the horrifyingwhore stereotype that is so repulsive to our hetero-fixated culture. As Kiernaninsinuated the week before, I’m sure it’s why everyone is so on edge aboutTad’s PR right now. Between that, his Jamaican adventures, and the recent lossesfor his team, things aren’t looking good for Tad Roarke. And I didn’t help himout any when I took that fan down like he was some sort of terrorist.
Darren shakes his head. “Nope. Jordancheated on him. Constantly. But somehow it got twisted with the press that Tadwas the cheater when they broke it off.”
“And?”
“He went along with it. Better tolook like the boss who’s sleeping around than the fool who was suckered by itall. Just the way it goes. Not the first time he’s been screwed over. I’m sureyou know the only reason anyone even knows about Tad is because his firstboyfriend during college football, Riley Kiefer, outed him to the press.”
I remember the story. When a three-timegold medalist Olympic swimmer outs a major college football player, it doesn’texactly get glossed over by the mainstream news.
“But Jordan didn’t defend himabout the cheating?” I ask.
His raised eyebrow suggests whatI’ve just said is incredibly naïve, but I would like to believe after havingbeen caught in the wrong, he’d at least publicly fess up to it. “Jordan likednot having the negative attention on him. As per usual. The only reason theywere even together was because he enjoyed being this fabulous power couple. Theywere the hottest item. Media darlings. They could get gigs on any talk show inthe country. On the cover of any magazine. Tad loved it, too. I mean, you mustknow that since you’ve met him for more than five seconds. And I fucking lovedit. You know what it’s like when you’re the assistant of a guy like Tad whenhe’s being praised by everyone? It’s heaven. People would kiss my feet just toget to him, and for a guy like me who people are used to walking all over, it’skind of nice. But it goes as quickly as it comes. Because as soon as he lostthat beautiful reputation and became this scandalous asshole, I was theassistant of an asshole, and I got treated like it. The life of a guy who getshauled around to live someone else’s life with them. Good days and bad days.”He smiles that lopsided smile that I find so attractive. “But the good days arereally fucking good.”
I detect something sad in hisexpression. Like he’s not sure it’s really worth it. Although I imagine thereare plenty of people who’d be more than willing to put up with the bad days toget even a few of the good ones Tad and Darren have shared.
“What would you do if you weren’tdoing this?” I ask.
“Must be obvious that I want to beanywhere but here. You won’t be surprised, but I get that question a lot. I’dwant to go into journalism. I think I could make some exciting headlines. Stirsome interest.”
“Why aren’t you trying to do that?”
