I knew my brother would get in his feelings about me keeping the situation from him. As the eldest sibling, he always felt like it was his responsibility to look out for us and make sure we were always straight.
“It’s not about you, Chris Cross.” His wife chided gently. “Ryann made the decision that was best for her.”
I gave Genesis a small smile. “Uhm, I had some … things going on with me. Not life threatening things or things that you should be concerned about in that way. Feminine things. I went to the doctor. She did some blood work. It turns out that I have a rare condition called POI. It stands for PrimaryOvarian Insufficiency. It basically means that eggs aren’t being delivered properly. Which means that my fertility is severely compromised.” I took a deep breath, proud that I was able to get it out without dissolving into tears.
“So, when you get ready to have children, will IVF be an option?” Christian questioned. “Genesis and I can help you out if you decide to do IVF.”
“Yeah, we’re experts.” His wife agreed, with a wan smile.
My brother and sister-in-law struggled with infertility. All three of their children had been conceived through IVF. Fertility issues were an open topic in our family because of it.
“Uhm,” I began, “my doctor would really like to harvest and freeze my eggs as soon as possible. POI is a follicle issue. Follicles transport the egg from the ovary. My follicles are diminishing by the year. Since I don’t have a husband or even a contender, she thinks we should get the eggs out now. That way, when I’m ready, the eggs will be there. All frozen and waiting.” I tried to make a little joke, although nothing about my situation was funny.
“Ryann.” My mother cried, tears floating down her cheeks. “Oh no.”
Before I knew what was happening, she was out of her seat hugging me from behind my chair. “I don’t understand why this keeps happening to my babies.”
“This doesn’t keep happening. This is something completely different from what was going on with Christian and Genesis,” I reminded her.
“Damn, Ry baby.” My dad’s eyes were soft as they met mine. “I’m sorry to hear this. I definitely think you should do what your doctor suggested. At least that way, the opportunity for you to be a mom will still exist.”
I nodded.
“Is there medicine or anything you can take?” Ricky asked.
“Nah.” I shook my head. “It’s irreversible.”
Zyah jumped in. “But I went with Ry to talk to a holistic doctor that was recommended. She’s an MD, who has a healthy respect for nontraditional and eastern medicine. Ryann’s been doing acupuncture and exercising.”
“Yeah, and I’m on a vitamin regiment, trying to support both my follicles and my ovaries. I’ve even changed my diet.”
My mom squeezed me from behind again. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. However we can help you, you know we’ve got you. Just let us know how you want to be supported.”
I leaned into her embrace. Her words and the sincerity behind them were why I wanted to share my diagnosis. I was going to need their support and encouragement.
One thing about my parents not letting Christian upgrade their house was that it still had the same footprint from when the four of us were kids. It was a four bedroom house, but unlike the more modern houses, every bedroom didn’t have its own bathroom attached. So, later that night when Zyah stepped into the doorway of the bedroom I planned to sleep in, she was wrapped in a towel. I knew she’d just come from showering in the hallway bathroom that our bedrooms shared. I’d chosen the bedroom that she and I used to share growing up, while she took the one that Christian and Ricky used to share.
“You okay, Sis?”
I looked over at her. “Yeah, it was good to finally get it off my chest.”
She smirked before teasing me. “You never were good at keeping secrets. You and Ricky couldn’t hold water.”
“Keeping secrets was your domain.” I chuckled. “Sorry about making you keep this to yourself for so long.”
“You’re my big sister, Ry. I would’ve taken your secret to the grave.”
I stood from the queen sized bed that had replaced the two twins she and I once shared and crossed the room. I caught my sister in a hug. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I love you.”
“I love you back. Now get some sleep.”
“Right, because it’s been a long day.”
After my sister left, I climbed into bed and pulled out my Kindle, determined to finish the newest book from author Kay Shanee. I must’ve been more tired than I thought, because I awoke in a dark room to the mattress shifting.
“Go back to sleep, baby,” my mother’s voice, rich with her warmth, said into the darkness. “I just came to pray over you and love on you a little bit.” She curled up next to me.
