“Really?” My eyes sting, the possibility too good to be true.
He smiles, and it’s my favorite one, the one that’s just for me. “Yeah, sweetheart. Really. You made my world a kaleidoscopic of colors and there’s no going back to black and white for me.”
Okay, enough talking. Chase reads my mind, meeting me in a searing kiss. One hand grips the back of my neck, anchoring me in place. The other slides down my back to my ass. I hum into his mouth, encouraging him. The answering dark chuckle makes my thighs squeeze together. Maybe I push him, maybe he pulls me, but somehow he ends up sitting on the edge of the bed with me straddling his lap.
It doesn’t last long. Chase is bound and determined to take the lead tonight, which I’m more than happy to hand over. The way he cradles my head as he flips me to my back does something to my insides. Such a small thing, but the knowledge he wouldn’t let me be hurt, even accidentally, is much more.
He pulls back, eyes transfixed on me like he’s never seen something so beautiful. I’m thinking something similar. The man who loves me, bathed in dim moonlight. Raven hair, black ink, and glacier irises. Mine, all mine. If I’d known it was supposed to be like this, I never would have settled for anything less. His adoration for me is so plainly spelled out in every line of his body, in the way he moves, there isn’t room for me to think it’s something less.
Everything I ever wanted is looking at me like I’m his whole world.
Life is such a wild ride.
I pull him back down when I can’t stand the space between us a moment longer. “You’re so warm,” I mumble against his full lips.
Chase’s eyes crinkle as he laughs. I’m not sure what was funny about that, but his joy is infectious either way. “You’re at least consistent, Chaos. I need to get you one of those heatlamps for lizards in case I ever get held up in traffic too long or something.”
“Uncalled for.” I’m not able to hold back a small giggle, but then he runs his nose along my jaw, and I forget what we were even talking about. My back arches, unable to be close enough to him. My hands tug at his shirt impatiently. If I don’t have his bare skin against mine in the next thirty seconds, I’m gonna die. It’s that dire.
Thankfully, he’s no less urgent than I am and quickly starts discarding the layers between us. The breath whooshes out of my lungs at the sight of him in the dim light. His bright eyes filled with desire, his hair that he can’t seem to keep out of his face, and his heaving chest.
He’s so beautiful.
I must say it out loud because he flushes the prettiest shade of pink. How the tables have turned. “You are,” I say, pulling up to my elbows. For some reason, I need him to know this.
Chase shakes his head and turns his gaze out the covered window. I nudge him cautiously with my knee. “It’s just you and me here, love.” The reminder is just as much for me as him. I know the place that’s trying to steal him away well. I hear it calling for me all the time. But we need this.
He doesn’t move his head, but his hand snakes its way along the crumpled sheets until it links with mine. I give it a reassuring squeeze. “You know, while we were sleeping apart, I’d lay there all night and try to remember how I used to be fine before you came back.”
I sit up, crossing my legs underneath me so I’m facing his side. I don’t give his hand back. “Oh, yeah?”
“It feels like an entire lifetime ago. But before you, I think I just shoved everything that was the slightest bit scary in a box and never dealt with it. I focused on Brady, because he needed it, and I needed the excuse. Sometimes it was Logan or mybrothers, but mainly Brady. He was so messed up without you. But something would happen to me and it was like I was barely there.”
I wait patiently for him to sort his thoughts out. I’m sure his head must be a wreck after our big exchange. I know mine is. “Then you came along, messed everything up spectacularly and amazingly, and forced me to wake up. It was as magnificent as it was terrifying. Now my heart walks around outside of my body and it’s not mine to protect anymore. I don’t regret that for a second, but you have a dangerous stalker that made you feel like your best option to get away from him was to kill yourself.”
My eyes burn. “Am I too complicated for you?”
It’s his right; everyone has their limits—even with love. Hell, especially then. Love is a powerful force; all you can do is hope it takes you in the right direction. Chase takes my chin and tips my head up with his forefinger and thumb. “Never.” His eyes are merciless, staring straight into my bruised soul. It’s humiliating, in a way. Knowing he can see every mark that will never heal. His tone is firm and unyielding. “You are never too complicated. It’s me that’s the problem. Waking up for the first time is confusing, it’s hard, baby. But it’s worth it. You’re more than worth it. You’re everything to me; all I’ve ever wanted but have been too scared to look for. I’m just fucking scared, Easton. You’re right. Scared that I’m doing it wrong, scared that I’m not, and you’ll still be taken from me. Scared that it’s my turn to have all my problems out in the open, but I won’t be as strong as you so I’ll fuck things up with us in the process.”
I laugh wetly, out of relief or something else, I’m not sure. Chase comes easily when I tug his hand, rearranging us so we’re side by side on the mattress, facing each other. Both our shirts came off earlier, and he damn sure got me out of my jeans. Somehow, his are still on, and I’ve got an issue with that, but I’ll deal with it for now. I drag my thumb along his sharp cheekbone,enjoying the way it slows his breathing down a bit, making it a little heavier.
“It’s a nice change of pace to not be the only one spinning out in this relationship.”
I’m rewarded with a chuckle rumbling out of his chest. One of my favorite sounds. “I think I’ve been pretty clear about not having it together, but no one seems to believe me for some reason.”
“I get what you mean. I think that’s why everything started catching up to me after I got away. When I needed to pretend everything was fine so I could survive, I did. Then it all started catching up to me at once. Seems like something similar is happening to you.” I pause, chewing on the inside of my cheek. “But it’s important to me that you know that you’re allowed to be wherever you are mentally. I don’t want you to ever deprioritize yourself for me.”
Chase’s dark brows furrow as he nods. “I’ll try.”
Stubborn, stubborn boy. I’m so in love with him; I can’t bear it.
“I love you,” I mumble, pulling him in for a slow kiss. “What a pair we make.”
He nips my bottom lip. “Damn straight.”
It’ll be an ongoing conversation, I think. But I can be patient for the important stuff. After all, we have more fun things to do right now.
CHAPTER 18
